So they say time heals all wounds.
How many times have you heard that & honestly felt like slapping the next person to tell you that?
I have been through hard times..I won't say that my troubles are of the serious kind..not in that way,but to me,they were enough to plunge me into a world of darkness.
In a way..I still remember certain painful moments as I sit peacefully now..
It's true the mind never forgets..
We subconsciously will ourselves to forgive & FORGET THE PAIN..not the incident.
The pain that one inflicts upon your body can never be recalled in perfect detail no matter how hard you try but the pain that's inflicted verbally..as those words flash through your mind's eye,the impact is intense enough to make one cry..even after a very,very long time.
I figure that many of us are like that..we bury the pain by immersing ourselves in work & family activities..while the pain is actually still there..deep in your heart,like a raw wound that dries but never completely heals.
I have been very busy of late.
Keeping myself occupied with the work,interacting with friends both in cyberspace & in reality,passionate about my music.Yet I have never been able to forget certain people & issues which happened over the past few months.
Oh yeah..I don't talk about these things or ever show my confusion but truth is..each time I smile or laugh there is a slight tinge of bitterness.
I feel it..but there's nothing I can do about it.
I go out by myself alot these days.
Just with my mp3 player & sling bag for my wallet,hp & camera.
Sometimes I take long bus rides.
When it's rainy weather,I take long walks.
At times,I just sit by the sea for hours..thinking about nothing in particular.
Just my own sort of meditation.
Sometimes..I cry.
Silently I cry...as the songs play in my ears..as my eyes follow the crashing waves.
I don't feel like talking to anyone.
It's like the sea understands the ache & turmoil I'm hiding within myself.
I come home silently in the night & life goes on.
Am I a happy person or a sad person?
I don't know.
I have no wish to talk about my feelings because I have realised a long time ago,that it's useless..the more I say they more they get bored(though they don't show it)
It all just adds up to unnecessary tension & the wrong kinda attention so..I'm better off this way.Thinking and crying and just being myself as and when I feel like it.
It's not too bad..the crying bit.
Just don't want it to become permanent in my life.
This is me,Patricia