So freaking bored with life and myself
Wasting my life away rotting doing meaningless stuff
I know that one day I'm gonna be regretting all the precious time I'm wasting now
It's really not easy to explain how I feel without starting to sound like some kinda whiner
I just basically feel very retarded & handicapped
It's worse actually because I know I have all my limbs and senses intact yet
I feel hindered by them somehow.
Like a clumsy Big Bird in the Swan Lake of life.
Even though I feign surprise outwardly at my rapid decomposition,I know perfectly well
when all this started,why it started and why it's not stopped.
Oh yeah I know the damn reason only too well but guess what..
I'm not at liberty to shout or wail about it.
I feel like I'm either a bitch on most days or an emotional wreck.
It's all because of HIM.
I never knew I could like & dislike a person so strongly.
It's driving me up the wall..
I'm trying dammit..I'm trying to move on with my life but I keep getting defeated and it hurts to keep in touch with someone who has so bitterly crushed you and is happily hopping along with life.
I hate myself.
I hate all of you.
Sometimes it doesn't even matter..how I wish my worthless life could be given away in exchange to some who needs it more,someone who actually is loved and cherished..
4.45am and I'm awake bright and early.
I was not in a bad mood but I do not know why or how I have started on this bitter rampage of words.
There is so much so much so much to say..but I have learnt the hard way that those around me are the last people whom I actually would want to seek comfort in.
August.
It's actually August now.
The month I had been waiting for..and now it's here.
I feel like just hiding away.
This is me,Patricia