Riddle me this..Riddle me that..
A tad outdated,especially in the wake of Dark Knight and all
I know ..but I'm a sucker for Jim Carrey so sue me.
The riddle here is life itself.
Family life.
Why do some people seem to be surrounded by the perfect family?
Y'know..those people who seem to have
adorably grumpy great grandparents,young at heart grandparents,modern parents,chirpy loving brothers & sisters with a large extended family of never ending uncles & aunts,cousins & nephews & nieces & in-laws and their dogs and their cats and the cats kittens..and..get my drift?
I assume many of you actually have all that and more..
just maybe not that perfect right?
hahaha
I understand that not all large families actually are so perfect..then again I do know some that are and I'm extremely happy for them..but it always puzzles me..as to how..such a small family as mine..with relatives scattered halfway around the world,could face so many,many problems & confusion.
It really tears me to bits & pieces inside..far more than I'd actually care to show out to people but it does.It's bad enough not ever having seen my grandfather...I grew up without the attention of a father..which I never realised was bad till I was a bit older..not that it mattered much to me at that point..then losing my grandma right smack in the middle of my teen years..even then I didn't feel the loss till much later..being the only child..with a hardworking mum wasn't exactly what you'd call a charmed life.
I never really learnt about life..no one had the time to sit down and explain to me what was gonna happen..I learnt everything on my own..mostly only after falling from the inexperience.In that way..I was older before my time.
I never thought family was important.I didn't care.
I saw uncles & aunts fight & cousins being affected &
I thought myself lucky not to have to go through that..
I saw our small family spilt further & further apart but it wasn't my problem..
Not at that time.
All I cared about was my pocket money & my music & my friends.
Now after so many years,I realise what it's like to have a normal family.
All the people who have drifted away came back to us.
New understandings & a sense of kinship was formed.
I was thankful that though imperfect,I had a complete and loving family.
Now again history seems set to repeat itself.
Now that I'm not a selfish teen..I feel very affected.
I feel sad for my mum,who has been trying so hard to be a pillar of support to just about anyone & everyone..even though no one was there for her all these years.
I feel sad for my aunt,who as of a couple of hours ago was peacefully dozing after a tiring day at work.
I feel sad & sorry for the family that had been fighting bitterly in the yawning hours of a sunny Monday afternoon.
I don't even know what I feel for myself..yes me.
Who was up at 6am and doing household chores till 8am..then started on a complete house cleaning mission from 10am..washing,scrubbing,dusting,folding,shifting,dragging,drying,stocking,clearing...why?
All in preparation for the party this Saturday.
I was on the last rounds of changing the sheets on my bed,when the phone rang..my aunt beat me to the phone & I heard her voice getting alarmed.I just froze not saying a word..the only thing in my mind was.."Please,not a problem..I'm too tired to handle anything now..please don't let it be a problem.."
I just stood there watching my aunt silently hold on to the phone,her face changing from puzzlement to comprehension then slowly to sadness then confusion as she hung up.
Then she just said.."I don't want a party for my birthday anymore.Forget it.People think I'm very happy but they have forgotten what my life is."
Then she went to the room & closed the door and well..she is still not out yet.
Sigh.
I wish I had answered the phone.
Then again I was/am scared when it comes to all these.
The happiness we had was so fragile & precious.
Words can make or break a person.
I barely know what I'm saying here,so please excuse me.
I was very sad..and I just went on doing my work mechanically.
Certain things I can't be saying in here for the whole wide world to know..
but I do know that we are at our wits end,trying and trying yet all we get in the end is a earful of yelling.
All I know is that..I need to get out and find a life of my own.
I can't be stuck here with all the misery..God knows I have my own pain.
Enough.
This is me,Patricia