Passion for Oranges

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This is me,Patricia
Welcome to my blog
Be nice & I'll be nicer
I bite bitches
Have a glorious day

[ 9:47 PM ]

wow..

finally got the time to pop in here..

been super busy..

honestly 24hrs in a day is really not enough!

so much has been happening

been wanting to blog like forever but somehow my fatigue just got the better of me

work is fine for now,still searching for THE elusive right job for my future though

at the same time,seriously considering going back to finish my diploma

not that I feel insecure,but no harm being better equipped

a dip is a very normal pre-requisite one finds in job offers these days..

even if the job itself is on a very basic level..

so why should I miss out..when I know I have so much more to offer than those who have papers but zero interest,zero experience?

still pondering though..don't wanna make the same mistake I did years ago as a teen

ohhh..by the way..

bought a new camera last week..FINALLY!

been wanting to yak about it for ages but well..that's how occupied I've been..

I don't even have a pic of it to put up now..

That particular day I had a nasty argument with one of my closest friends

I had planned several things for that particular day but thanks to this one trivial argument,i completely lost my mood to be happy.

Thank God Sanjit was free that day..if not for him,I'd prolly have spent the day moping around instead of shopping for my long desired camera..

Bullied him alot too that day hahahahaa..couldn't help it..the situations surrounding us were just too good to resist!

The normally gentlemanly Sanjit eventually gave me a nice sharp punch on my arm..light but SHARP..enough to make me squeal momentarily..

hmmm.

SQUEAAAAAL SANJIT.

SQUUUEAAAALLLL.

hope that rings a bell to you if you're reading this!

I really really really want to be happy but at the end of each day..

No matter how tired I am

There are things that I still can't forget

This pain is now numb but it's there

Like a bad pimple scar.

The tears do run even now and then..but I'm in control.

Well..

too tired to talk much about happy stuff in here now..

had a busy Monday..

I still miss the way things used to be..and I'm glad everyone..EVERYONE is happier now but for me..things will never be the same again..

Yes I will move on..but it's been months and I still haven't quite gotten there yet.

What I can't say I keep trapped in my heart.

I laugh and do the silliest things to keep the tears away..

Yet..

sometimes the smallest push is enough to open the water gates.

I don't even feel like talking about what I feel anymore..

So..yeah.

Au Revoir

[ 10:43 AM ]

There are many faces to this guy..

MANY that the general innocent masses do not know of
Hahaha and these are a few of the shots

I managed to sneak in while he was blissfully unaware..
Sanjiiittt ur sooooooo cute!!
*bash!bash!bash!*

[ 11:49 PM ]

Patricia,

Your reputation is on the line,
and you can't afford to make any major mistakes right now.
A new job title comes with much more responsibility.
You must be willing to take them on before accepting the new position.
Let your achievements speak for themselves this afternoon

So anybody miss me yet?
hmmph
hahahah highly unlikely but anyways..
Finally had time to sit down and bombard you people with my nonsense
As some of you know..I'm currently working at non other than...
SINDA.
yes.
SINDA.
Never thought I'd actually end up working there..
No no..NOTHING against SINDA..
Just that I never thought I'd work there
I'm not like permanent there or anything..
Just for now..coz my cousin was working there while on his NUS vacation and the person in charge asked him if I was interested in temping for a while since I'm on a job hunt and all..well..I didn't hear anything negative from Clif so I said ok fine..and I must say..it's a whole new experience.
I had once worked in an all Indian office..and even though I'm Indian too..I felt a little weird..having always been in a mixed kinda environment prior to that..soon I just hated the way they treated and manipulated me just because I was the youngest,newest & most gullible.urgh.
Hated the work ethics.
So I shunned this kinda places..thinking that sometimes it's more difficult to work with one of your own kind.
I had that kinda negative thought before I set foot in SINDA..like what if they all spoke in Tamil and mocked me for speaking in English?blah blah..that kinda feeling..but I had nothing to worry about.
Everyone minded their own business and went about their work silently.
Another shock was to realise that SINDA..THE building itself..didn't have an elevator.So for the first 2 days..I ploughed my way through the never ending exit out of Farrer Pk Station..dragged my heeled crying feet,huffing and puffing in the relentlessly burning..i repeat BURNING not shining..sunshine..trying my best not to break out into a sweat..trying to remain cool and nonchalant as i walk through the little lane in the middle of TWO coffeeshops..then walk the final path to the hallowed building..and walk riiiiight to the end of the corridor to punch my card..then POUND MY ALREADY SORE FEET..4 freaking stories up to the Finance dept.Where everyone looks calm and poised and I end up barging in like a panting rhino.It doesn't help that my hair is a bit wild now.No hair serum,clip or scrunchie will tame my flyaway strands.

Wow..see how much I can write just describing the walk to SINDA?I have yet to even start on the inside stories!!
Argghh I'm tired..as in..the work is fine..because I have done this kinda stuff before..but it's hard to explain to my mum how much the little journey actually drains me..the sun oh man..and each time I walk I guess I am like cursing and swearing in my mind..which is really bad..
I'm too sleepy and my head has been hurting on and off for the past one week..Sanjit isn't in town so I have no one to talk out my mental issues to..hehehehe...he calls me a bully but he is a SILENT bully..the worst kind ever..like I have to contemplate if I had been bullied or insulted and then once he gets his punch line in,I'm just about ready to strangle him!!hahaha..my precious,precious friends..I miss u all..so much.Never felt so out of time..yet so relaxed at the same time..argggh the past 3 days of brutal direct sunlight has really punished my already sensitive skin ..I feel soooooooooo used up..like a torn no no shredded ball of tissue paper..
THAT will be something I will have to brace myself for every morning from now I guess..as long as I'm working here..but that's another story..well guys I wanted to say so much more..but I guess this is my limit for tonight..will continue with part 2 tomorrow..

oh my head..my aching aching head...

[ 7:16 PM ]

Could not get my mind off this beautiful song the whole of today
Which's pretty strange coz it's a song which I hardly pay much attention to usually
It must be the weather today..
So chaotic & beautiful at the same time
That made me long for some soothing from my favourite guys..

[ 9:47 PM ]

Ok..y'know that veryyyy common question that everyone likes to randomly ask at one point or another...about what super power you would like to possess if given the chance?

Since young I have always wished to have the power of invisibility

Why?

I'm ashamed to say that at that time,it was more for reasons of mischief than anything else.

As I grew older though,I wished for that particular power so as to escape from the watching eyes of the world & explore places far and beyond at my whim and fancy.

Suffice to say I was very much taken with the Invisibility Cloak presented to Harry

in the Harry Potter series of books..I'd always try to visualize how it would look like,and how sometimes he'd share it with Ron & Hermione..and of course..I was glued to Heroes when the first season started running last year around February on StarWorld..

Superpowers and heroes and villains...

Good VS Bad

How exciting isn't it?

Then again..this is the stuff movies & comics are made of..and only that..right?

Wrong.

While waiting for Mary's call,came across this interesting nugget of news on Yahoo..

Thought this is what I had been wishing for all the while,but strangely

the first thought to come to mind was.."Uh oh"

Read on..

"WASHINGTON -
Scientists say they are a step closer to developing materials that could render people and objects invisible.
Researchers have demonstrated for the first time they were able to cloak three-dimensional objects using artificially engineered materials that redirect light around the objects. Previously, they only have been able to cloak very thin two-dimensional objects.
The findings, by scientists at the University of California, Berkeley, led by Xiang Zhang, are to be released later this week in the journals Nature and Science.
The new work moves scientists a step closer to hiding people and objects from visible light, which could have broad applications, including military ones.
People can see objects because they scatter the light that strikes them, reflecting some of it back to the eye. Cloaking uses materials, known as metamaterials, to deflect radar, light or other waves around an object, like water flowing around a smooth rock in a stream.
Metamaterials are mixtures of metal and circuit board materials such as ceramic, Teflon or fiber composite. They are designed to bend visible light in a way that ordinary materials don't. Scientists are trying to use them to bend light around objects so they don't create reflections or shadows.
It differs from stealth technology, which does not make an aircraft invisible but reduces the cross-section available to radar, making it hard to track.
The research was funded in part by the U.S. Army Research Office and the National Science Foundation's Nano-Scale Science and Engineering Center."

When I read this..I wanted to say "wow"!

Then when I really finished reading the whole thing..

I could only thing of negative stuff

Sometimes I think Man interferes too much

I doubt we NEED such an invention

Imagine the chaos & destruction it could bring when in the wrong hands!

Now by making this so public,

I bet this much of info itself would be useful to some fanatic creep with an intelligent mind

SO FREAKING STUPID LA!!

No good is gonna come out of such an invention

Nothing but more wars,bloodshed & misery

No heroes either.

As it is,I only know of dear darling who'd wanna save the world but besides him..zilch.

Sorry to sound so pessimistic but really..

I hope this thing never works.

Even if it does,I hope the bigheads don't keep boasting about it

*fingers crossed*

[ 9:06 PM ]

Patricia,

Your mind is in full flight,

but your body won't move an inch until

you so command it.

Lending your money to others today

may result in serious financial losses.

Hold on tight to your wallet over

the next few days.

Look for your financial situation

to improve next week.

OMFG!

Now that's sound advice and every word of it is freaking true!

Right up to the very last word!

Cool.

Finally spoke to Latsy after so damn bloodly long last night

It has been months since we spoke!

I really missed her voice

(even though she squeals at me most of the time)

hahaha

Had a chance to catch up with Glash too

since school's out today

So overall,spent hours yakking and finally went to bed around 3am last night

Today spent most of the day yakking on the phone too and now it's almost 9.15pm and I have a last minute meet up arrangement with dear Mary...sooooo freaking long since we sat down and had a good chat..she'll be hotfooting it down to Yishun after finishing tuition @ Bt Panjang & I'm just about to get ready to wait for her at the bus stop..poor gal..she sounded so damn stressed 7 overworked over the phone..oh well..more stuff to update..be back laterz

[ 9:25 PM ]

Patricia,

Hold onto what you have at this very moment

because you won't be getting any more of it for a while.

Talk to your colleagues about problems that are getting out of hand.

The longer you wait, the worse the situation will become.

Now is the time to take action.

Well at least that's what's my horoscope predicted

I dunno what it was that I was supposed to hold on to though

Whatever's worth holding on to has already slipped thru my fingers

Haha..

So maybe I'm supposed to hold on to the rest of my tattered sanity

Hmmm

Well enough about that shit..anyways it was National Day yesterday..

As usual I was bustling around at home because National Day also happens to be the birthday of my dear Aunt aka Clif's mum..so the entire tribe would gather at my place to catch the parade and celebrate her birthday..

I must say it was one of my busier National Days though..coz this time I was involved in the cleaning,cooking process..I caught the beginning part of the NDP running to and fro with a spatula in my hand..

So yeah everything went on fine..we had some unexpected lil guests hehehe..and too bad Glash & family had to go back home so soon,but we're planning to catch up another day..perhaps during the September hols..BEFORE my birthday..

WHICH REMINDS ME

I'm turning 28

Soooooooooon.

Verrrrrrrrrrryyyyy sooooooooon.

[ 9:57 PM ]

So it's the 8th of August 2008.

08/08/08

whoopahdeeladooooodaaa

BIG DEAL.

im more like waiting for 09/09/09.

For many reasons.

Haha they all seem lame now so no point pursuing them

Anyways been super busy the entire freaking day

My day started at 6.30am and it's like..uhmm 10pm now & I just settled down ..

I sent an sms wishing my ex-boss,

favourite handsome loh soh ah-pek ever..Andrew,

an early morning birthday message..

well,he was happy to hear from me,

happier that I remembered his birthday..

well considering that I worked with him for more than 4 years..

and his birthday being on the eve of National day n all..

pretty hard to forget innit?

LoL..anyways seriously..

he was an inspiration to me..

and not just a boss but a buddy.

Well we have friends like that..

and then we have some other low lives...

who parade around as buddies when you need them least..

but tuck their tails between their hind legs & scramble for cover

when one needs them most.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Ahhh.what the fudge la lets not discuss rats.

I'm so glad I'm more active in DeviantArt now...

I have met loads of awesome buddies from the world over..

and you know what..

THEY ARE ALL GALS...

here I was whining away to whosoever tolerated me that I NEED more female friends..

and bingo!

I now have friends who actually

share my same love for ALL things RHCP

and to think I'm actually one of the older ones in the group!!

I'm impressed at how much these younger girls actually know about rock music..

ask any teenager in Singapore today..

and you'd get something straight outta MTV..

Ok something else that I wanna share with you guys..

I dunno how real it is..but I heard it from a very reliable source..

my long time friend Maya.

Those of you staying in Yishun would be familiar with the 600+ area..

for those of you who aren't it's basically the block of flats adjacently

opposite Khatib mrt station..

Well my friend stays at Blk 800 which is directly opposite

and for some reason while she was doing my waxing,

we started talking about the area..

That's when she paused what she was doing and told me

about a strange apparition seen by the residents in that area..

Apparently they saw,a lady,

dressed in a white dress,armless,legless &

apparently jumping FLOOR to FLOOR..then BLOCK to BLOCK!

Can you just imagine that scene for a second or so?

It's been sighted a few times already..

*shivers*

I remember that area coz I used to attend tuition classes with Clif at a house there..and even in the daytime,that area...just seemed dead.Which used to strike me as kinda weird,since the blocks of flats were so near to the main road & MRT station and all..but yeah that's the way it used to be..and I guess my cousin and I weren't far from wrong when we assumed that place was weird years ago.

Anyone else familiar with this story/area?

Well Maya and I went on to several other stories..all of which I can't share in here now..as it is I'm typing haphazardly..I'm that tired..

Arrrghh.

Tired la.

Blog again tmrw...it doesn't FEEEEEEEL like National Day.

Maybe I'd feel it tmrw.

Au Revoir

[ 8:29 PM ]

By the way if you're trying to reach me via hp,

just to let you guys know that my hp is completely dead now

I didn't use it at all,I have been charging it faithfully,

but the fkg unreliable thing has died on me

Betrayed me just like everything else around me

Try to get me thru FB or msn if there's anything urgent

Ciao

[ 6:39 PM ]

Riddle me this..Riddle me that..

A tad outdated,especially in the wake of Dark Knight and all

I know ..but I'm a sucker for Jim Carrey so sue me.

The riddle here is life itself.

Family life.

Why do some people seem to be surrounded by the perfect family?

Y'know..those people who seem to have

adorably grumpy great grandparents,young at heart grandparents,modern parents,chirpy loving brothers & sisters with a large extended family of never ending uncles & aunts,cousins & nephews & nieces & in-laws and their dogs and their cats and the cats kittens..and..get my drift?

I assume many of you actually have all that and more..

just maybe not that perfect right?

hahaha

I understand that not all large families actually are so perfect..then again I do know some that are and I'm extremely happy for them..but it always puzzles me..as to how..such a small family as mine..with relatives scattered halfway around the world,could face so many,many problems & confusion.

It really tears me to bits & pieces inside..far more than I'd actually care to show out to people but it does.It's bad enough not ever having seen my grandfather...I grew up without the attention of a father..which I never realised was bad till I was a bit older..not that it mattered much to me at that point..then losing my grandma right smack in the middle of my teen years..even then I didn't feel the loss till much later..being the only child..with a hardworking mum wasn't exactly what you'd call a charmed life.

I never really learnt about life..no one had the time to sit down and explain to me what was gonna happen..I learnt everything on my own..mostly only after falling from the inexperience.In that way..I was older before my time.

I never thought family was important.I didn't care.

I saw uncles & aunts fight & cousins being affected &

I thought myself lucky not to have to go through that..

I saw our small family spilt further & further apart but it wasn't my problem..

Not at that time.

All I cared about was my pocket money & my music & my friends.

Now after so many years,I realise what it's like to have a normal family.

All the people who have drifted away came back to us.

New understandings & a sense of kinship was formed.

I was thankful that though imperfect,I had a complete and loving family.

Now again history seems set to repeat itself.

Now that I'm not a selfish teen..I feel very affected.

I feel sad for my mum,who has been trying so hard to be a pillar of support to just about anyone & everyone..even though no one was there for her all these years.

I feel sad for my aunt,who as of a couple of hours ago was peacefully dozing after a tiring day at work.

I feel sad & sorry for the family that had been fighting bitterly in the yawning hours of a sunny Monday afternoon.

I don't even know what I feel for myself..yes me.

Who was up at 6am and doing household chores till 8am..then started on a complete house cleaning mission from 10am..washing,scrubbing,dusting,folding,shifting,dragging,drying,stocking,clearing...why?

All in preparation for the party this Saturday.

I was on the last rounds of changing the sheets on my bed,when the phone rang..my aunt beat me to the phone & I heard her voice getting alarmed.I just froze not saying a word..the only thing in my mind was.."Please,not a problem..I'm too tired to handle anything now..please don't let it be a problem.."

I just stood there watching my aunt silently hold on to the phone,her face changing from puzzlement to comprehension then slowly to sadness then confusion as she hung up.

Then she just said.."I don't want a party for my birthday anymore.Forget it.People think I'm very happy but they have forgotten what my life is."

Then she went to the room & closed the door and well..she is still not out yet.

Sigh.

I wish I had answered the phone.

Then again I was/am scared when it comes to all these.

The happiness we had was so fragile & precious.

Words can make or break a person.

I barely know what I'm saying here,so please excuse me.

I was very sad..and I just went on doing my work mechanically.

Certain things I can't be saying in here for the whole wide world to know..

but I do know that we are at our wits end,trying and trying yet all we get in the end is a earful of yelling.

All I know is that..I need to get out and find a life of my own.

I can't be stuck here with all the misery..God knows I have my own pain.

Enough.

[ 9:05 AM ]

The more I think about it..
The more I am convinced that I'm some sort of hippie reincarnated into the present world..or I'm simply born in the wrong age & time..
Why else do I seem to be plunging backwards into time while everyone is diving forwards?
Especially so when it comes to the greatest love of my life, music.
When at the age of 12,instead of being hooked to Michael Jackson's Dangerous album,I went backwards to his 80s hits,then to his 70s hits then all the way to the songs he sang when he was just 5?
Even those days,my elder cousins used to be amazed...yes I enjoyed the current music scene but I was so enchanted by the simple yet mind blowing emotions of the musicians in the 70s & 80s.
Fast forward to current day.
I can safely say there is not one single music genre I HATE..there is something about every single thing that appeals to me somehow..of course top of the list is always my beloved rock music..
Now as I sit here,my morning chores already complete...I find myself listening to...THE BEATLES!!
wtf.
I never was a fan,and I can still safely tell you I'm not much of a fan now..I mean c'mon!!These are bands our parents rocked out to!!Yet there's something about certain songs that warm my heart and of course the essence & free spirit of rock music was really widespread during the younger days of our parents..I doubt kids 30 years from now would actually find much inspiration from the music that's offered right now,during our time.Yeah they sound good for a couple of months then even WE get sick and tired and move on to other songs..hahaha such is the value of music & musicians these days.
All about the image..mediocre talent..does anyone really feel strongly about something that could change the world,or are they just writing songs about trying to cope & keep up with the pressure of not having enough fashionable clothes in their already bursting wardrobes blah blah?
Hahaha I wonder.
Honestly.I am thankful that I was born in 1980 and not anytime AFTER 1989..
I can see why hip hop and RnB are popular these days..coz at least there is something good & deep in most of the musicians..the current rock scene..I have absolutely nothing to say.If you can seriously consider bands like MCR,Fallout Boy and what nots as ROCK...holy shit..that is some really soft rock I tell ya.
Boy bands disguised as rockers hahaha..with their pretty boy looks & angel eyes,carefully permed/rebonded but styled to look careless hair styles..never said a swear word,never broke a girl's heart,never burped in their lives....
Oh please.
Gimme a bad ass,mean,messy haired,sweaty,heartbreaker anytime darling.
One that can REALLY play a guitar & not just dabble with gizmos.
Sigh...
I wish I was born somewhere else.
I know at least one soul who agrees with me...right Twinny?
=)

[ 4:38 AM ]

So freaking bored with life and myself

Wasting my life away rotting doing meaningless stuff

I know that one day I'm gonna be regretting all the precious time I'm wasting now

It's really not easy to explain how I feel without starting to sound like some kinda whiner

I just basically feel very retarded & handicapped

It's worse actually because I know I have all my limbs and senses intact yet

I feel hindered by them somehow.

Like a clumsy Big Bird in the Swan Lake of life.

Even though I feign surprise outwardly at my rapid decomposition,I know perfectly well

when all this started,why it started and why it's not stopped.

Oh yeah I know the damn reason only too well but guess what..

I'm not at liberty to shout or wail about it.

I feel like I'm either a bitch on most days or an emotional wreck.

It's all because of HIM.

I never knew I could like & dislike a person so strongly.

It's driving me up the wall..

I'm trying dammit..I'm trying to move on with my life but I keep getting defeated and it hurts to keep in touch with someone who has so bitterly crushed you and is happily hopping along with life.

I hate myself.

I hate all of you.

Sometimes it doesn't even matter..how I wish my worthless life could be given away in exchange to some who needs it more,someone who actually is loved and cherished..

4.45am and I'm awake bright and early.

I was not in a bad mood but I do not know why or how I have started on this bitter rampage of words.

There is so much so much so much to say..but I have learnt the hard way that those around me are the last people whom I actually would want to seek comfort in.

August.

It's actually August now.

The month I had been waiting for..and now it's here.

I feel like just hiding away.