Since many of you are very bored and have
not so politely told me that I'm very good at blabbering
I shall blab.
For the sake of those entertainment deprived souls.
And also because I guess I NEED to talk.
So those of you who aren't interested shoo off.
This is for patricia remold fanatics only.


The song in my background currently is known as
"The Dying Song"
This is really,a very special song in my heart,
firstly bcoz it's the first ever solo work of John's
work that I had checked out..secondly..it changed my life
dramatically,drastically and really quite ridiculously.

If you were to flip back to my past blog entries..
I think around March-April..
Alot of things had been happening in my life
I lost alot..alot.
Things that I had come to cherish,gone forever.
People I had come to love devotedly,left me.
Friends,out of sight.
Mum,seriously ill.
Work problems.

One after the other nothing seemed to go right.
Endless were the days & nights I cried.
In fact..now when I try to recall,I can't even differentiate between the days & weeks..
It all just seems like a wet,wet season of tears in my world.
Well in an attempt to take my mind off things,wanted to listen to instrumentals & started checking out amateurish stuff on YouTube..after a few days of this...passing my days by listening soothing rock classics on the acoustic guitar..I stumbled upon this fella..in YouTube..I think his nick was bitterbanana..yeah he was playing this acoustic of Under The Bridge,which as I have said a million times by now,was the first song I ever heard by RHCP way back in 1992..well this youngish looking guy was really good.Honestly.In fact all his stuff were good..he did RnB stuff,techno stuff on his acoustic guitar too,not just rock so it was really a refreshing change..but somehow kept sticking to his version of Under The Bridge..and after a few days of this..started looking back at some of my fave RHCP songs over the years..please note..at this point I was too emo & depressed to actually be a die hard fan..i was just dying..hard.
Then I started taking note of the songs..like stuff which I had never noticed before..having alot of free time then,coz I was not talking to many of my friends,I just went backwards in time to see what they had been up to while I lost track of them..that's when I came across John Frusciante.That name.
It's funny..maybe when I was a teenager I just sorta assumed that Anthony was responsible for the whole image of the band..I just sorta related everything to Ant..y'know..maybe it had something to do with the fact that he was the most noticeably handsome one in the band..or maybe his long hair just obscured everyone else there..I dunno what it was..but it was the first time I was hearing this name.Ant I knew..Flea of course I knew..even Chad I knew to a certain extent..but Fru?And my first thought was..sounds Italian.
So I checked out stuff about him in Wiki..
What I read left me totally spaced out..
Like,whoa!
This is the man behind all those great tunes..
I think maybe I assumed before that Flea did all the guitar work..
or maybe I again assumed everything was the magic of Ant and his long silky hair
hahahaha
Whatever..but I started paying attention to Frusciante..and I was like damn..how come I never noticed this hot guy in RHCP?
Where was he?
How come he sorta looked different now..
I really started enjoying myself a bit at this times..coz I was actually chilling out with a band that I was so comfortable with in my teens..and now after so many years,i still could actually relate to..but I never really bothered checking out Fru's stuff..I was thinking yeah yeah..he is an awesome guitarist,and hot looking as hell..but solo stuff?nah..must be some new age shit..


What made me listen to Fru?
One day when a huge fight broke out between me & someone dear to me..
I cried like never before..this was the freaking mother of all cryathons..
I think I cried like for 2-3 days continuously..
I either slept or cried.
After a few days crawled back to the computer again..thinking..not even rock music is gonna help this time I just wanna be gone..and I saw this song..titled Dying Song..John Frusciante.I thought..oh well..since everything in my life sucks..not in the mood to listen to energetic vibes..might as well listen to this song..hopefully it's depressing enough to make me cry more..
See my mentality?
I didn't wanna feel good.I didn't wanna feel better.
I just totally blamed myself for everything that was going wrong & I just wanted to punish myself in the worst way possible,to make this a lesson I'd never forget.
I think I was playing some game on Facebook when the song started playing..there was no video..just some fan made clips..
I didnt even read the reviews.
Just pressed play & prepared to cry.


Surprisingly..
I didn't cry.
What I did was to replay the song.
Once.
Twice.
Again.Again.
Then I downloaded it to my mp3 player.
It definitely was not what I had expected,but I could not quite get it.
At night when I went to bed..
I played it.
There in the dark as I lay thinking about the cruel world & the black coils of bitterness around my aching heart..something seemed to happen.
As I listened to his soft voice my heart seemed to soften.
The music slowly started to fill my ears,then my mind..
Soon as I lay there with my eyes closed..
Instead of darkness..
I visualized shiny,glowing orbs
Orbs of the prettiest hues
Lilac..pink..lavender..gold..greens..blues..
I didn't feel like crying.
I can't quite describe what I felt.
It was not even rock music.
More like acoustic guitar with silent bursts of synths.
And a beautiful raw voice that went low and soft and high.
That was the first day a new chapter began for me.
And it was also the start of a very delayed but fruitful exploration of John Frusciante.Fru love.What a word.Yet..so true.
The following days..I was happier.Each time I found something new from Fru,I was amazed.Never bored.When I listened to his songs..instead of images I see colours, and I feel this affection,love wrap itself around me..I started to focus on my art work seriously..you can tell the difference if you were to compare my stuff from before,and now.My works speak of what I feel.Friends teased me.Saying it was gonna be a one time thingy,a phase..a fad.I knew deep in my heart that they were wrong.Bcoz,to me..I think he is the best musician ever..and the fact that there are 2 sides to him,one as the headbanging,body swaying,rock God genius of RHCP ..and the other side of him,as a low key,silent,unpredictable,underground,indie-rock,experimentalist artiste..
to me..that was simply fascinating.
Now you know why I'm in love with the band and the man so much.
To this day..and it's July now mind you,
I listen to their songs everyday.
Most of the songs in my mp3 player have been deleted to make more room for RHCP stuff & John stuff.All the songs,live concerts,acoustics,covers.
I listen to them the moment I wake up till I fall asleep at night.
Sometimes occasionally I bump into someone who also knows about his solo albums..that's the only time when I can actually happily discuss the music I love...so precious to me.


I feel alot happier..I dunno why.
Things are better,some things never change..
Like the sharp pang of pain in my heart when I see that person..
I have never gotten over it..and it feels like I never will because the feelings are still the same..but these days..I can handle the pain a lot better.

Whoa.
See..I can talk la dammit.
I'm so tired from typing!
Hey but seriously..
Whatever I said is 100% true & I didn't pause for a minute to think of what to write next..my fingers just flew..I guess I been longing to let someone know about the reason for my obsession.
Some of you may say I'm being unrealistic,that I'm shutting myself out totally and it's gonna be harmful in the end and everything but please honestly..is there anything you can do for me?
You can't.So let me be happy.
I used to dream of happiness & love.
I used to WAIT for the promises.
Then everything was gone.
So no more waiting.
I want to be happy and I want to be happy now.


For those who have had the patience to sit this thing out..I'm honestly very grateful to you.Thank you so much.I love you people..thank you.