Finally I have had the time to sit down for a while to do this survey kinda thingy Jijay wanted me to do ..haha kinda random fun thingy..basically you answer the set of questions,then key in your answers individually in the search field in Flickr.Choose the image that you think best represents your answer,simply copy the URL of that image,and paste it into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to start creating a collage of your answers!

Easy & fun right?Do it when you're bored,and for those of you who are new to Flickr(dunno which rock you been under)you can take the time to admire the truly beautiful photos submitted by members..ok these are the only rules that you have to follow..

1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.2. Using only the first page of results, and pick one image.3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.

Here are the questions..followed by my images,see if you can guess my answers based on the images!hehehe ok anyways,my answers itself right after the mosiac...have fun!

1. What is your first name?

2. What is your favorite food? right now?

3. What high school did you go to?

4. What is your favorite color?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

6. What is your favorite drink?

7. What is your dream vacation?

8. What is your favorite dessert?

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?

10. What do you love most in life?

11. What is one word that describes you?

12. What is your user name?

1. What is your first name?
patricia - i like this pic haha..a beer named after me!!ahh in colourful Brazil ..Brazil

2. What is your favorite food? right now?
thats tough but since you wanna know about right now..I'm craving for some honey oat cereal wait I changed my mind..it's good ol' fish and chips..and this pic is making me drool..

3. What high school did you go to?
ahmad ibrahim secondary school..and I was in the band for a couple of years before I went on to other activities..too stiff collar,and too much of high expectations..it started to feel more like boot camp...hmmph!

4. What is your favorite color?
I love black basically but purple & gold hues attract me..I don't know why this picture was just so simple & delightfully pretty hahaha..plus it has my colour combo!

5. Who is your celebrity crush?
john frusciante.I don't think I have to say more...
6. What is your favorite drink?
Water..nothing like water to quench the never ending thirst

7. What is your dream vacation?
Venice..ever since I chanced upon an elder cousin's literature text,William Shakespeare's "The Merchant of Venice" I dunno why I just liked the sound of it..then when I saw photos of the quaint,picturesque water city,I fell in love with it...and now most recently,when I stumbled upon a sleeper hit of RHCP,Venice Queen..which has a touching story behind it.. I KNOW I HAVE TO SEE THIS PLACE FOR MYSELF!! I diverted from the usual pretty images of the pretty city & decided to use this,because it is so freaking beautiful..the architechture,the street lamps,the darkness..truly romantic...sigh

8. What is your favorite dessert?
anything oozing with chocolate....yum yum yum .

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Rock babe!!!hahahaha

10. What do you love most in life?
Being alive.

11. What is one word that describes you?
I pondered on this for a long time.and finally came upon a simple word.deep.this is the image I got when I keyed in deep and I think it says alot.


12. What is your user name?
well usually silentdawn,but since I'm gonna post this in my blog,I shall use my name here..as darkshadowhisper.







As promised..
Here I am finally to make my hallowed blog update
Haha been going to bed at reasonable hours for the past couple of days &
woke up feeling that today might not be such a drag after all..
I dunno..something in the air..seemed very..I don't quite know how to put it..
I sense a very positive vibe in the air & it seems to fill me some of my old energy
Was humming the deliciously addictive chorus to Quixtoicelixir as I took my shower
Sent a couple of bright,cheery smses to buddies..
So yeah it's a lovely morning people!

For starters,just wanna say my condolences to Ganga..
Her beloved pet dog Koko passed away yesterday & though I am not really an animal lover,I have become accustomed to Koko since secondary school days..He was like another member of the family..well I guess it's time for him to go to his rest,after all he's 15 or 16..which is pretty old in doggy years,I think?
Wherever you are dear Koko,I may have never seemed to be receptive to your sharp yapping barks,or sudden habit of resting your paws on my trembling knees,but you're gonna be missed..
rest in peace old pal.

Will update soon...


It's been a cold and wet day
I'm brought down once again by this nagging pain in my abdomen
It seems to happen so frequently now
I'm getting used to the pain now..
Just like how the pain in my heart..which was so unbearable at first
Now it's just an old pain..a heavy substance floating inside a bitter creature
Heart.Heart.Heart.

I'm blabbering right?
Damn.It's this pain.
It's not so unbearable yet it's an irritating sensation
An ominous presence
Like it's telling me in a deep,Barry White baritone
"Oh yeaaaaah I'm herrrre..but I ain't gonna hurt youuuuuuuu much"

hehehe.
Weird thought that one.
Goodness.
My mind has gone to the pigs!
Rotting away...dead even!

I see it's hopeless to talk seriously here now
As what I had initially planned to do
So let's see...
I'm just gonna randomly write
Without pausing
Let's see what my chain of thoughts can reveal


Here we go...


Been laying low for so long now
I don't even feel normal anymore
It's weird
This sudden desire to be away from the common flock
To mingle with the stars
To be in the other realm
In my mind's eye I'm painfully aware
Of the sneers,the taunts,the wicked looks
The way my dreams crash against cold reality
Still I linger there..adamant
That glowing place
The fine line between now & forever
All I need to do
Is walk to the edge of the world
The world that took all of my love greedily
Drained me of all will & hope
Left me with nothing but cold chills
Then leap off
Leap right off her
Goodbye cold,merciless world
I'm sorry I was ever born unto you





So then my friend
How have you been
It's been some time since we really spoke
Oh yes I know we have the casual what's up kinda moments
It's been quite some time since we had a..hmm..
Heart to heart talk ,isn't it?
So I see you have been keeping yourself busy
That's very good
How about your health?
I see that you are trying to change your bad habits..
Hmm not bad at all
How's your heart been since that issue?
Oh..
So the pain hasn't even lessened a bit?
It's been so long,surely you must be imagining your anger!
No?
Then what is it?
So what you're telling me is ..
You still haven't forgotten anything & you're just very hurt that he is so normal
but you can't say anything anymore because you have promised yourself that you'll
never fall like this again?
Why couldn't you have just thrashed it out?
You did?
You still don't understand?
He didn't wanna discuss further?
So then you must really put your effort into remembering that bit & then maybe you'd forget everything
You can't?
Why can't you?
Don't be stupid
Who do you really hate now?
You hate him but you're punishing yourself
That doesn't sound very normal
What exactly do you want?
You dunno.
Ok.
So why are you crying now then?
You dunno?
Ok.
What?
Oh you miss the old times?
You of all people should know by now that it's pointless crying over spilt milk
Why torture yourself by crying tears that no one sees?
Go out,be with your friends,enjoy your time now before it's too late!
Say what?Everything reminds you of him?
Hey you really seem fine what's wrong with you!
If he can do it why can't you?
Coz you were true and he wasn't?
C'mon
Isn't it obvious?
So you think he is not true,but yet instead of screwing him up you sit there and cry because you miss everything about him?
If I continue this conversation with you,I might just kill you!!
Oh yeah..wait..that's right...
I AM YOU.

Since many of you are very bored and have
not so politely told me that I'm very good at blabbering
I shall blab.
For the sake of those entertainment deprived souls.
And also because I guess I NEED to talk.
So those of you who aren't interested shoo off.
This is for patricia remold fanatics only.


The song in my background currently is known as
"The Dying Song"
This is really,a very special song in my heart,
firstly bcoz it's the first ever solo work of John's
work that I had checked out..secondly..it changed my life
dramatically,drastically and really quite ridiculously.

If you were to flip back to my past blog entries..
I think around March-April..
Alot of things had been happening in my life
I lost alot..alot.
Things that I had come to cherish,gone forever.
People I had come to love devotedly,left me.
Friends,out of sight.
Mum,seriously ill.
Work problems.

One after the other nothing seemed to go right.
Endless were the days & nights I cried.
In fact..now when I try to recall,I can't even differentiate between the days & weeks..
It all just seems like a wet,wet season of tears in my world.
Well in an attempt to take my mind off things,wanted to listen to instrumentals & started checking out amateurish stuff on YouTube..after a few days of this...passing my days by listening soothing rock classics on the acoustic guitar..I stumbled upon this fella..in YouTube..I think his nick was bitterbanana..yeah he was playing this acoustic of Under The Bridge,which as I have said a million times by now,was the first song I ever heard by RHCP way back in 1992..well this youngish looking guy was really good.Honestly.In fact all his stuff were good..he did RnB stuff,techno stuff on his acoustic guitar too,not just rock so it was really a refreshing change..but somehow kept sticking to his version of Under The Bridge..and after a few days of this..started looking back at some of my fave RHCP songs over the years..please note..at this point I was too emo & depressed to actually be a die hard fan..i was just dying..hard.
Then I started taking note of the songs..like stuff which I had never noticed before..having alot of free time then,coz I was not talking to many of my friends,I just went backwards in time to see what they had been up to while I lost track of them..that's when I came across John Frusciante.That name.
It's funny..maybe when I was a teenager I just sorta assumed that Anthony was responsible for the whole image of the band..I just sorta related everything to Ant..y'know..maybe it had something to do with the fact that he was the most noticeably handsome one in the band..or maybe his long hair just obscured everyone else there..I dunno what it was..but it was the first time I was hearing this name.Ant I knew..Flea of course I knew..even Chad I knew to a certain extent..but Fru?And my first thought was..sounds Italian.
So I checked out stuff about him in Wiki..
What I read left me totally spaced out..
Like,whoa!
This is the man behind all those great tunes..
I think maybe I assumed before that Flea did all the guitar work..
or maybe I again assumed everything was the magic of Ant and his long silky hair
hahahaha
Whatever..but I started paying attention to Frusciante..and I was like damn..how come I never noticed this hot guy in RHCP?
Where was he?
How come he sorta looked different now..
I really started enjoying myself a bit at this times..coz I was actually chilling out with a band that I was so comfortable with in my teens..and now after so many years,i still could actually relate to..but I never really bothered checking out Fru's stuff..I was thinking yeah yeah..he is an awesome guitarist,and hot looking as hell..but solo stuff?nah..must be some new age shit..


What made me listen to Fru?
One day when a huge fight broke out between me & someone dear to me..
I cried like never before..this was the freaking mother of all cryathons..
I think I cried like for 2-3 days continuously..
I either slept or cried.
After a few days crawled back to the computer again..thinking..not even rock music is gonna help this time I just wanna be gone..and I saw this song..titled Dying Song..John Frusciante.I thought..oh well..since everything in my life sucks..not in the mood to listen to energetic vibes..might as well listen to this song..hopefully it's depressing enough to make me cry more..
See my mentality?
I didn't wanna feel good.I didn't wanna feel better.
I just totally blamed myself for everything that was going wrong & I just wanted to punish myself in the worst way possible,to make this a lesson I'd never forget.
I think I was playing some game on Facebook when the song started playing..there was no video..just some fan made clips..
I didnt even read the reviews.
Just pressed play & prepared to cry.


Surprisingly..
I didn't cry.
What I did was to replay the song.
Once.
Twice.
Again.Again.
Then I downloaded it to my mp3 player.
It definitely was not what I had expected,but I could not quite get it.
At night when I went to bed..
I played it.
There in the dark as I lay thinking about the cruel world & the black coils of bitterness around my aching heart..something seemed to happen.
As I listened to his soft voice my heart seemed to soften.
The music slowly started to fill my ears,then my mind..
Soon as I lay there with my eyes closed..
Instead of darkness..
I visualized shiny,glowing orbs
Orbs of the prettiest hues
Lilac..pink..lavender..gold..greens..blues..
I didn't feel like crying.
I can't quite describe what I felt.
It was not even rock music.
More like acoustic guitar with silent bursts of synths.
And a beautiful raw voice that went low and soft and high.
That was the first day a new chapter began for me.
And it was also the start of a very delayed but fruitful exploration of John Frusciante.Fru love.What a word.Yet..so true.
The following days..I was happier.Each time I found something new from Fru,I was amazed.Never bored.When I listened to his songs..instead of images I see colours, and I feel this affection,love wrap itself around me..I started to focus on my art work seriously..you can tell the difference if you were to compare my stuff from before,and now.My works speak of what I feel.Friends teased me.Saying it was gonna be a one time thingy,a phase..a fad.I knew deep in my heart that they were wrong.Bcoz,to me..I think he is the best musician ever..and the fact that there are 2 sides to him,one as the headbanging,body swaying,rock God genius of RHCP ..and the other side of him,as a low key,silent,unpredictable,underground,indie-rock,experimentalist artiste..
to me..that was simply fascinating.
Now you know why I'm in love with the band and the man so much.
To this day..and it's July now mind you,
I listen to their songs everyday.
Most of the songs in my mp3 player have been deleted to make more room for RHCP stuff & John stuff.All the songs,live concerts,acoustics,covers.
I listen to them the moment I wake up till I fall asleep at night.
Sometimes occasionally I bump into someone who also knows about his solo albums..that's the only time when I can actually happily discuss the music I love...so precious to me.


I feel alot happier..I dunno why.
Things are better,some things never change..
Like the sharp pang of pain in my heart when I see that person..
I have never gotten over it..and it feels like I never will because the feelings are still the same..but these days..I can handle the pain a lot better.

Whoa.
See..I can talk la dammit.
I'm so tired from typing!
Hey but seriously..
Whatever I said is 100% true & I didn't pause for a minute to think of what to write next..my fingers just flew..I guess I been longing to let someone know about the reason for my obsession.
Some of you may say I'm being unrealistic,that I'm shutting myself out totally and it's gonna be harmful in the end and everything but please honestly..is there anything you can do for me?
You can't.So let me be happy.
I used to dream of happiness & love.
I used to WAIT for the promises.
Then everything was gone.
So no more waiting.
I want to be happy and I want to be happy now.


For those who have had the patience to sit this thing out..I'm honestly very grateful to you.Thank you so much.I love you people..thank you.

OMG
I was logged in to MySpace & the rumour running around
cyberspace..well BESIDES the fact that Angelina Jolie gave birth
to twins..a boy & a girl..pffft..hmph that woman has everything perfect la..
ANYWAYS...Anthony Kiedis & girlfriend Heather Christie have split up!
It was really shocking news..coz they just had a baby & in fact the group is on a year hiatus just to catch up on their personal stuff & spend time with their families..
I feel kinda sad..though some fans were happy as hell in the forums..well..Stadium Arcadium was full of love.You have to hear it to feel it.You could feel the love through the words.. Especially this one song..it really made me cry..Hard To Concentrate..coz whenever I listened to the lyrics..I'd imagine Ant was dedicating them to Heather Christie..and I used to think wow..amazing how this dirty,nasty,funky,wild yet deeply soulful guy could come up with such sincere & heartfelt lyrics.Whichever guy dedicates this song to his lovely fair maiden,is gonna be well rewarded..don't believe me?
Check out the video..WITH the lyrics.
Go on. Here's the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwyMYGqEvSg
If you're really in love/or looking for love
this song WILL touch you.
If you're bored by it..you're prolly heartless hmph & not romantic at all!
hahahaha..seriously though..take a listen.
and as for Ant & Heather..
I dunno..well they are celebrities..
He is old enough to be her father..
They seemed to sync so well together..
They have a baby.
Californication eh Ant?



Goodness gracious.
It's barely been a week since
I posted and I have been recieving smses asking me if I'm sick or out of Spore.
Ermm..freaky much?


I have been extremely busy..
The eldest big cousin in our family,Galvin,came down to Spore with his wife Jo & son Shaun.. like..hmm..couple of weeks back..I guess I was too preoccupied to even blog about it that time..but yeah they come to Spore from London once every 2yrs or so..coz Jo's family is in Spore..well they specifically make it a point to come down coz of her ill dad..so yeah was very happy & excited to see them,I missed Galvin so much..he's like in his 40s!!Honestly doesn't look his age but yeah...I find myself often laughing at the fact that I have cousins who are so much more older than I am,overseas.Unfortunately,Jo's dad,passed away last week,last Sunday to be exact.. after a long struggle with several illnesses brought on by old age..personally,it was amazing he had held on for so many years..so the entire of last week,was spent at Jo's eldest bro's place..mum and I made sure we turned up every single day to join in the prayers..well for one thing,Jo's family is large..she has 7 siblings,and when you count their spouses & multiple kids..well..you have a whole battalion..a happy,united,loving battalion.Compared to our side of the family which is embarassingly small..and not very focused on family unity & such(long story don't even get me started,I'll make a mega serial on Sun TV one day)..mum & I didn't want Galvin to feel that no one from our family is there for him.
Sigh.Everything went on smoothly & the funeral service was beautiful..yeah even on that day we only reached home at midnight!

So the unexpected demise of Jo's dad pretty much took away all our time last week & after that I was just very very tired & sickly for a couple of days..alarmingly I am getting to be very content spending time on the computer than talking to people!Even when I do chit chat,it's mostly to Glash or Sanjit or Latsy(which is also rare)
I dunno..so much of ideas,so much of opinions,so much to say but no one has the time to hear me out..so I shut myself in while others go on about their life,their friends,their interests etc etc.Sometimes I feel like saying..hey why should I bother when you don't give a rats ass to what I say?Well..I think about it but I don't say it..like they do..coz I care about how others feel.So I shut up about how I feel inspired by music,by RHCP,by Fru,by knowledge..I shut up about how it hurts everytime I see his face,I shut up about how it feels to stay with someone who I hate but have to endure,I just freaking SHUT UP.
Coz it hurts when I start to talk and that's when people on the other end choose to do their own stuff..or interrupt me..or worse still..ask me if I'm done.
Then these same people come after me asking me for help ..for ideas..for favours.
It hurts & I want out.
Hence the low profile.


Think about it.Whoever you people are.
I'm not pin pointing someone,rather a general bunch of you people.
I'm sure by the time you're reading this you'd have felt it in your heart so don't ask me if it's you or not.If you felt it,then you prolly did it to me sometime or another.

I'm also pretty much bored at home these days coz Clif is still not back from Aussie..yeah he left before the funeral..and I chat with him online sometimes..but mostly all of us miss him.It's just not the same without his yelling for food,yelling for the towel,loud football games...sigh.He's having loads of fun though in Melbourne with Karthik , Vicknesh & Nithin..today the boys are heading to Sydney for 3 days...
SOME PEOPLE ARE SOOOO LUCKY!!

Ok I'm supposed to call Glash back..there's still so much to say..I'll be back later....

Before I start off with my post today

Now..
I have been complaining since last week to my close friends
Of some weird sense of foreboding
Like something really bad was gonna happen..
Soon.
Somehow caught up in the merriment of last night
I never quite felt the creeping of that similar feeling
That chest sinking,throat choking,mind numbing
Stomach fluttering sensation
Stayed up till about 8am
Listening to songs & doin stuff
That's when the feeling really really got worse..
Suddenly I felt cold..very cold
Yet my body temperature started going up
Went to try and sleep but after an hour
Woke up.

Still have the bad feeling like I was gonna hear something really bad
Or like..
Gosh I dunno.
Just a fkg rotten feeling.
Like you know you did something majorly wrong & like everyone's
gonna know sooner or later...

Great now I'm sneezing..
I know what some of you are gonna say..
Late night..no sleep..body tired..
Yeah yeah..
more like my mind tired ok..


I'm gonna go try get some shut eye again
Just want this weird feeling to get lost




Still not asleep..
Was smsing my new buddy.. Ashy
Haha who is like thousands of miles away from me
Under the sunny blue skies of LA
Lucky ass.Argh
Feels like we've known each other for ages
It's barely been a week!!
Okies learnt some web stuff thingy online
Yeah so now my brain is exhausted..
Thanks to my extra-kiasu note taking & memorizing
(kiasu means..ermm..OVER-enthusiastic,to the extreme,overboard..blah blah..get it guys?)
ok looks I have to tone down on the singlish here.. before I start getting weird questions..
YAWN!!
ok that's it goodnite morons!!
Am gonna fall asleep with Fru's voice in my ears..
How I wish that was as literal as it sounded!
Dream on.