I have officially been using the computer for the past 26hrs.
I have not slept for 2 days.
I have not eaten solid food since 1pm yesterday.
I have heard hundreds of songs.
Watched YouTube videos like there was no tomorrow
Photoshopped tons of stuff.
Put some up on my Deviantart account..changed my friendster profile pics & songs,updated my MySpace,oh yeah by the way if anyone wants to add me up there..
this is my addy : myspace.com/apophenia


I updated songs in my Imeem account & added new stuff to my Photobucket account..
I put up ratings for email sellers I have done transactions with.
I chatted with Twinny.
Watched more videos.
All the while feeling the pain in my body spread and spread.
I don't know what I'm doing to myself but perhaps..
it's a sign that I'm close to a breakdown?
I month of controlling my tongue,my temper,my thoughts,my feelings,and devoting myself completely to whatever relaxes and soothes my mind..it was good.It still is good.Then why have I been feeling so strange the past couple of days?Nothing interests me much,except the music.I talk to some friends..many I rather not talk to right now..
Whatever it is..I want this discomfort to end.
I feel as if I'm silently battling within myself while acting cool with others.
I don't wanna break down.
Please..I really don't wish to talk to anyone right now..


Everywhere I turn,I hope to see a smiling face,someone who sincerely cares enough to ask me if I'm ok now..if I had anything to talk about..but no..no one did..and I realise that no one will..I'm only called upon when I'm needed as usual..so what's new?
That's why I avoid people.I avoid talking.
It's not bcoz I want to be rude..it's bcoz I am already trying to cope with stuff that may not seem much to others but is affecting me in so many bloody ways...and on top of that I have no energy to pretend to be interesting or cheerful..and it doesn't help that I am still stuck with my own crappy problems..get it?So I'm doin us a favour here by keeping a low profile..once I'm ok I will be back to normal.but I cannot act like before..I feel useless when I hear about others' problems & I can't even do a single thing to help them...I cry sometimes bcoz I am so tired of being tested..so tired of running to comfort everyone..but end of the day..there's no one to console me.
What choice do I have but to turn to the things I do best?

Yet some people choose to ridicule me..and some people get mad at me without understanding my situation..hey if you don't know about my problem,consider yourself damn lucky..that shows I don't go around whining!For those of you who have already hurt me in the past few days..over petty issues..forget about our friendship..I really don't care anymore who remains by my side and who doesn't..really doesn't make a difference because end of the day I either cry alone or die alone.
This post was not meant to hurt anyone,it's just an honest plea to please cut me some slack..I know I'm freaking 27 but that doesn't mean my heart is painproof!
It's not the first time this kinda shit's happening..but by God I know it will be the last..
Please do not ask me AFTER this post what's wrong..
It's too late.