Feeling dazed.
Barely had any sleep & neck aches from peering at the computer for too long I guess..
I am not too sure why but I feel kinda weird today
Like this gut feeling growing & growing
it's up to the point where I feel overwhelmed & nervous.
I'm writing this out because I do not know whom to explain this to..
Or how to even start saying anything without sounding eccentric.
I just know that something bad is gonna happen & I don't like the feeling one tiny bit.
I have been happy in my own world for some time now..please God..I need this don't give me another blow now..I am barely healing but this time I know for sure that I will fall forever.
I should have seen the signs from yesterday..
I suddenly felt it from the way people were talking to me
Like I was some sort of person to be wary of..
Which I totally felt from their body language & tone
but could not for the life of me fathom the reason.
I was feeling angry & down when I spoke to an old friend..
I never asked anyone to come & solve my problems
Or beg them to listen to me..
So after the pain is gradually getting less..
You can't take it that I'm starting to be happy?
When I needed people to be around they never were.
They made me feel so tiny & insignificant.
Now that I want to be left alone in peace to reflect..
you people wanna come & provoke me?
Please..just leave me alone for a while..
I am not sick,I am not depressed & I'm not doing anything harmful..
For crying out loud,I'm not a freaking teenager anymore!
I am silent but I do speak when I'm spoken to..
So let it be that way for now.
I already sense alot of tension building up in the household.
It sucks when everyone happens to be at home..
The tension is so thick that I can almost feel it crackle
I just hope whatever it is..I'm not gonna be the cause of it.
Was doing some stuff on CS
I have been doing so much stuff inspired by RHCP..
YEAH YEAH RHCP..IM FREAKING OBSESSED WITH THEM CAN??
U DON'T LIKE IT JUST POKE UR EYES OUT OR SOMETHING...
DON'T WHINE TO ME.
Well ok..where was I..
Oh yeah..
I thought about doing something with them in it for a change..
Try as I might though..I could not find the picture which I had in mind..
So ended up doing one of John Fru...
Ok ok fine..
I WANTED TO DO ONE OF HIM LA..
Somehow I didn't have to do much..
just left it simple..
I was listening to this RHCP song..
Don't Forget Me..
I had always seen the title but never actually listened to the song..
Today when I heard it I just had to keep playing it over & over again
That's how good it was..
Flea simply rocks in this..Respect to him!
The bass was wicked cool & precise..I was looking through the live versions on youtube..& I came across one..which seriously made me feel a bit worried..at first
Everything was fine but John looked...either high or tipsy or a little eccentric..
he smiled so gorgeously back at fans,waved at them and all..but ..I just felt that something was not right coz he just acted plain strange..and it was kinda weird to see that the normally cheerful Flea ,Anthony & Chad looking strained & concentrating hard on their playing..but I don't get it..John still played his parts..with a smile..at one point with just one freaking hand & the other hand awkwardly scratching his head!!He didn't freak me out he just made me confused..coz he'd be ok one minute then loony the next..
Arghh ok nvm..I just hope it isn't what it looked like..
anyways that was like some time back..way before Stadium Arcadium..
So I hope he was just either tipsy or really really happy.
So yeah we all have our crazy days.
Erm..don't we?
Whatever I still freaking love that man..
With a heavy heart but lots of redhotlove from me..
wait a minute..NO not heavy heart..im just happy..happy happy happy that my idol is smiling..and the drug days are over..so forget what i said earlier..
Oh John John John..
Why do you have to be so strange..
Yet so innocently childlike..
Loved by all yet you seem to hate yourself sometimes
It feels like I'm seeing a mirror image of my mind in you
It's so weird to ever speak out but it feels right just writing it out.
This is me,Patricia