One..two..three..four..
Ready to start a new hour..
Seize the day they say but I feel too sluggish
Was up early on account of having slept around 10.30pm last night
Was chatting with Glash on my bed on the cordless & making plans for
our shopping trip on Friday..seriously ANYTHING to just get our minds off the unbelievably crappy time we've been having.. Glash was supposed to return a call to one of her pals and told me she'd call me soon..Warned her I might doze off..since I was feeling a tad drained..all I remember is sending a good night sms to Sanjit then ..thats it..the next I opened my eyes was around 2am..I glanced at my hp saw some missed calls,some new smses..and fell asleep again.. after which had strange dreams..really totally stupid dreams..which made me wake up at 5am again..I then thought..hell a few minutes more..it's been ages since I had proper sleep anyways..hence it came to be that I finally woke up at 6.45am feeling sore & a little bit angry.
Why?
Hahaha coz I am the type of person who feels very fresh & alert if I could have 5-6hours of sleep ..but if I were to sleep any longer than that..I wake up feeling tired..why?I dunno
It's always been like that.
So the moment I got up I started thinking about him & remembered certain stuff and that just made me more pissed..I dunno I dunno ...one day I'm all glowy and sunshiney and the next I'm all fked up...
Started replying to smses..sori Glasssssshhhhhh didn't reply you back coz I know u'd be asleep..
Was msging Koko and she was..well in her own words,rotting at work..doing night shift & bored as hell coz she was on standby duty..I miss her la..its been some time since I met her and had a good chat..she then asked about how certain stuff were going on in my life..and was curious to know if I had lost anymore weight..
well informed her that the diet was going on smoothly..some minor hiccups here and there but overall pretty good..but the other stuff in my life..as in r/ship wise..was on the rocks.She was surprised..I was kinda surprised at myself too coz usually I try not to talk so much about it..and not in such negative terms anyways..but I guess I had to start saying it out more often..in order to deal with it..
K: why da what happen?Aren't you guys making an effort to work things out?
P: there's nothing more to make an effort on.his mind is made up
K:then don't bother gal.make ur heart hard.u will be fine eventually.thank God it wasn't anything more..
P:I duno da..I can't seem to..not now..not for this thing..I have poured my heart out & voiced my thoughts..but I guess he's too hurt & has given up hope on me..us.let's not talk abt this dear..I think I'm gonna cry...
K:Hmmph.Men!!!
P:Yeah,men.Only a miracle can help me now..its too soon for me to move on..
K:Whatever it is..rembr that when God takes away something,he will replace it..won't leave it empty.
P:...................
K:I can see that you really want this.Hope the best happens 4 u da...
Thanks gal..I know what you mean but..
damn bloody hell..why can't I just bloody hell move on!!!
what the hell is wrong with me!!
why am I so obstinate!!
why am I still clinging on to hopes & dreams that will never be fulifilled!!
why am I still defending you even as you're breaking me?
why...
why...
why...
I want my old strength back,my old never say die attitude back..
Yet it seems that everything good I had seem to have packed up & left together with YOU!!
Is it possible to hate someone so bad & love him fiercely at the same time?
Why am I so wrecked up with emotions when I'm not a loved one to him anymore!!!
Damn you!!
This is me,Patricia