Been meaning to blog the past coupla days but was too busy
Well..now that I'm finally here..
I sorta can't really remember what I wanted to say??
Had a pretty lame weekend..busy busy busy..
Was hanging on the line with Glash for freaking 8 hours last Saturday!!
Oh man.
Hahaha both of us were pretty much mood out that day..
Needless to say tensions were high & tempers were on the verge of flaring up
Thankfully things didn't go that far
I guess the reason why we still continued the strange conversation..was coz we just needed someone to be there..I mean..that was what I felt at that time I guess
Sunday was even worse..
I woke up feeling very disturbed..
I had a slightly unpleasant experience in the middle of the night
and for the life of me,
could not remember if it really happened or if it was just some nasty nightmare..
At the same time I felt really down & lonely & oh damn
I dunno
I spend the whole week keeping myself busy & I even manage to convince myself at times that I'm not down..then wham! comes the weekend and suddenly I have all sorts of longings,hopes,memories and then finally the ultimate sense of nothingness.
Which led to a solitary tear running down my cheek even before I had got out of bed.
Admonishing myself I angrily wiped away the tear and got out of bed before I really started crying!!
arrrggghh
I'm sorry people..I have not been answering many calls/smses lately either because my hp is screwed up sometimes/im just too busy/im just too emo to talk/reply
So please forgive me..
I do try my best to at least reply to smses..
but do not take it personally if I'm not available to talk..
I just need some time alone I guess..
I do try to be there for you guys as much as I can ..
sometimes though I just can't take it..
I'm seriously happy if anyone of you guys are having a good time,
or I dunno la..just having fun n all..
but I'm just not in the mood to listen to happy tales..
pardon me for being so frank..
just that I have been acting and acting and acting for so freaking long..
trying to joke trying to laugh trying to share the enthusiasm with friends and all..
but please..TIME OUT..
coz i'm also thinking of my own problems 24/7..
and I can't handle more situations..not now anyways..
I don't wanna seem cold or anything..
Just that sometimes I act so much in front of everyone,
and it's only when the lights have gone out that the tears start falling
I can't possibly explain to anyone much about my situation,
Coz I already KNOW what's the kinda advice I'm gonna get..
and seriously..I've dished out that kinda advice to others before
and now I know that it's easier said than done..
I rather not hear them again.
I feel angry & ashamed of myself at times..
Angry coz I am still thinking & hoping & wishing
Ashamed when I think..
OMG what have I become?
I have always been happy go lucky & took everything with a pinch of salt.
Now thanks to him,
I don't feel as if I could sincerely feel happy again
Yeah yeah roll your eyes..
Go tsk tsk at me..
I don't care
I know how much of trust & faith I kept in this thing..
after a long time..
Now I am left with nothing
Why do I still wanna feel bad when the other party
has already made it crystal clear that he has no more faith in this..
and whatever reasons he gives..
I know ultimately all he is saying is
"NO"
This is me,Patricia