Saturday.
Used to be that every Saturday I would have a tiny spark of joy in my heart
Now quite suddenly..even that little spark is snatched away
I hate it but i have been giving in to my tears alot
I can't help it
It's really difficult to hold in so much of hurt & not be able to have a comforting hug or a shoulder to lean on.
Yeah i could have confided in my best pals but im not ready to go over the details again
It is already deeply etched in my heart.
I don't want anyone to pity me & stuff
Hell i used to be the one they came to for advice & a listening ear..
it's bad but i just dun wanna share my sorrows..
coz NOTHING can console me
I have already tried and tried to console myself
The next moment i always slump down.
Maybe its too early..but i know damn well that if im gonna get over it,its gonna take a damn long time.
In my mind..there are still too many questions that need answering but now..
im afraid to even ask anything.
What's the point.
I get misunderstood anyways.
People are so quick to judge my words but they have forgotten that in reality,
i never been away from their side.
I have been trying my best to pretend as if nothing has happened & go on with life
Even faked goofiness just to make people around me laugh
Haha if I laugh I might just cry
I think im writing too much of my feelings out here
I'm sorry to sound like a whiner but..this is not whining its pure sadness & extreme confusion
What i cant say..it comes out in words here..
Well..im heading out..
Alone.hahahah
There's no sense in praying for a miracle..
After praying so much this is what i get.
No no please don't talk to me about God
I am extremely pissed with Him
I know what I went thru to be so happy and now its all gone.
The Good God up there has tested me too many times in my life
I'm only 27 not 72 & everytime i cry i tell myself that there won't be anything else that would make me break down,but then again there always is.
I give and give and give so much of myself but I stand in the end,having lost everything.
Fuck.
This is me,Patricia