Nothing much happening
I seem to be stuck in a semi-permanent state of limbo
Here I am steadily detoriating away while the rest of the world skips by happily
Went to church yesterday..kinda good that I'm getting back into the habit of church going..
At least for that one hour or so my mind is at peace
After mass bumped into my cousins & family..the large group of us walked back together happily after church..
Proceeded to spend a pretty long time chatting away at the pavillion near our homes..
Sigh..
Been going out with Nessa quite frequently,but things don't seem to be like before
I have been told that I've changed alot
I doubt it
Its just that I have my own sadness & here I am trying to forget it all but these people just keep rubbing it in.
I have come to the conclusion that I can never make people around me understand exactly what I'm going thru.
No..its not as easy as just simply pushing it aside and not bothering
Believe me..i have tried that so many many times
Look I know that most of you in here would prolly even be in the dark about what I'm going on and on about
It's sumtg that I would love to share but I can't..not for now anyways
Well..
I dunno what else to say
I just feel very lost.
it's horribly unfair to be always left wondering..
I wish that some people would realize that...I can laugh and joke but I'm basically banging my head on the walls here
I can't go on like this
All I wanna do is to be calm & to be in control of myself but..I'm dangerously close to tears
I dunno when its all gonna erupt..
Well i think i shall end this rubbish entry for now
I'm not making sense even to myself
I just wanna say sorry to some of my friends..
Whom I have been ignoring for the past few days
Please don't take it personal..
I have tried my best to share your enthusiasm but I just can't make it..
I know I have been sounding moody & vague
I just need some space
Coz I'm really going thru a very difficult time now
I know that I can't confide in anyone so just let me be
Just please don't start hating me..
I'm surrounded by so many friends yet I feel so utterly lost & alone
Forsaken.
This is me,Patricia