Passion for Oranges

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This is me,Patricia
Welcome to my blog
Be nice & I'll be nicer
I bite bitches
Have a glorious day

[ 10:48 PM ]

Ended up going to church.

Yeah but with a very heavy heart.

Of al the days no one was able to make it,and I thought I had to go alone

Met up with cousin Eve..and we went together.

Ok I totally regret dissing God in my earlier post..coz the Mass today was extremely significant.

Everything was beautiful.

During the Novena,though somehow as Father was going into the Benediction,

to my horror great big teardrops hit the book I was holding.

I didn't know why my hands were trembling..I guess I was extremely wound up & on the verge of my breaking point..but oh man..NOT IN PUBLIC?!!

Of all the times..during the very solemn Benediction?

I saw the kid infront of me stare at me with mouth open in wonder...

i managed to calm myself before the kid pointed me out to her Dad

& dedicated the rest of the evening to celebrate Mass.

Walked home with Eve..

Why why why can't I be like before?

She was talking about her problems & I just listened dumbly

I'm going mad..i really am.

The people around me are too absorbed in their own lives..i guess I'd really go bonkers before they realize anything!!

Back home..the scenario is anything but pleasant.

The parents had a mini squabble after Easter..and to this day are giving each other the cold shoulder.

So basically no one talks much at home.

I'm so pathetic.

I'm actually writing all this out on a public blog..

Exposing myself for some crocodiles to attack..

Ah!!!

Who cares who cares..

Nobody cares when your down and out..

Nobody.

[ 3:27 PM ]

Saturday.

Used to be that every Saturday I would have a tiny spark of joy in my heart

Now quite suddenly..even that little spark is snatched away

I hate it but i have been giving in to my tears alot

I can't help it

It's really difficult to hold in so much of hurt & not be able to have a comforting hug or a shoulder to lean on.

Yeah i could have confided in my best pals but im not ready to go over the details again

It is already deeply etched in my heart.

I don't want anyone to pity me & stuff

Hell i used to be the one they came to for advice & a listening ear..

it's bad but i just dun wanna share my sorrows..

coz NOTHING can console me

I have already tried and tried to console myself

The next moment i always slump down.

Maybe its too early..but i know damn well that if im gonna get over it,its gonna take a damn long time.

In my mind..there are still too many questions that need answering but now..

im afraid to even ask anything.

What's the point.

I get misunderstood anyways.

People are so quick to judge my words but they have forgotten that in reality,

i never been away from their side.

I have been trying my best to pretend as if nothing has happened & go on with life

Even faked goofiness just to make people around me laugh

Haha if I laugh I might just cry

I think im writing too much of my feelings out here

I'm sorry to sound like a whiner but..this is not whining its pure sadness & extreme confusion

What i cant say..it comes out in words here..

Well..im heading out..

Alone.hahahah

There's no sense in praying for a miracle..

After praying so much this is what i get.

No no please don't talk to me about God

I am extremely pissed with Him

I know what I went thru to be so happy and now its all gone.

The Good God up there has tested me too many times in my life

I'm only 27 not 72 & everytime i cry i tell myself that there won't be anything else that would make me break down,but then again there always is.

I give and give and give so much of myself but I stand in the end,having lost everything.

Fuck.

[ 3:23 AM ]

nights of dazzling stars
always
there was one for me
and one for you
and many more to light up our love
our lives were entwined
blessed by the stars above
days went by
as always
hearing your voice
yet barely seeing you
still
the stars shone on for us
time to time
we would meet
hearts
eager to beat
eyes
eager to seek
the stars they peeked at us and winked
our secret was safe with them
its been so long
yet
the love goes strong
days we met
were far and rare
still
we held on tight
The stars now gaze solemnly
as if to say
will they stay?
now
its dark
I am all alone
my heart still beats
although
He has gone
so far away
so far away from me
I look up above
I search the skies
To see my love again
the stars,that blessed our love so true
the stars
tonight they shine
no more
~

patricia

[ 2:25 AM ]

hey.
how ya guys been..
i know..i been rather quiet recently
recieved alot of emails after my abrupt post on Monday
thanks people..im fine..so don't worry about me ok?
wel on monday i had a tiff with someone close to me
what started out as a normal tiff in the morning soon escalated & turned horrid
yeah i did shed alot of tears im not ashamed to say that
well..sometimes we all need to get it out of our system right...
as it is,i had been bottling up alot of feelings over the past couple of months
i stayed up that night trying to contact this person just to try to talk..
Unfortunately even though i tried..it was fruitless..there was simply no reply to my calls
the next day,i hoped things would go better
however when there was no response from that person
the anger in me took over the remorse & sadness
i felt bitter & hurt
i went out to do some shopping hoping to distract myself
by the time the person did sms me..
i was on defensive mode
which didnt do any good to the misunderstanding we already had
by night..things had gone quite nasty
no matter how much we talked it out..there was no compromise
tuesday night..
a night i'd never forget
angry words & accusations were hurled
the situation was beyond rescue at that point of time
it's the night i decided that in order to have peace again
i had to sacrifice some things
maybe to some people its nothing much.
to me however it was a bitter,heart aching decision
God was really testing me
After a long time..I had to make a heart wrenching decision
that would change my life as i had known it to be for the past couple of happy years..
what actually went on is very personal and i can't talk about it bcoz i respect the privacy of that person
that night i died a thousand times
yes i was at fault too..for in those final desperate moments of getting my point thru,
and failing..i had resorted to hurtful words which i had never thot i would use on this particular person!
my rage was such...and of course..that person responded equally venomously
the anger was so great that we could barely talk in proper tones to each other
i spent that night in tears..and even messaged the person
coz after the rage had died down,i was shocked at the words I had flung recklessly
well the rest i don't really wanna explain now..
i don't wish to think about it
things aren't the same
for the sake of that person..and for the sake of my dear friends who had been worried about me..
i tried to be back to my old self
i had spent the past few days walking about in zombie style
not talking much and sleeping alot
i was exhausted to the max
to all who were there for me..
thank u so much..
even though you guys didnt know what the hell was going on,
u consoled me and encouraged me.
the classic rock songs that i had been blasting into my ears day and night
kept me going too
i have been putting up a brave front so far..
i hope i have the strength to carry on
inside though..
i keep dying again and again
i just can't take it.
simply can't accept it.
i have gone thru several episodes in my life
when i had fallen off the right track
and yet those times,thru the tears
i promised myself that I was not beaten just yet.
Now..
my spirit is just not accepting what has suddenly happened
i feel like there is no turning back from this blackness
yes..i cant show it out to people but im empty inside
nothing you say will ever take away the ache
Au revoir

[ 5:00 PM ]

Worst day in my life

Lowest point ever

i can't sink any lower than this

I'm already dead

Just bury me please.

I need some time alone to myself

I will not be answering phone calls

Just message me if there's anything

[ 7:59 AM ]

Hi all.Still feeling down but I don't wanna talk about my problems today

It's Easter Sunday..

Went for Easter mass last night..

The mass was scheduled for 8.30pm but we left home around 6.45pm

Got there slightly after 7pm..I was pissed at first that we had to leave so early

Then again..there were people who came even earlier than us!

By 7.30pm,the church was packed to the brim.

This was due to the large number of pews reserved for the baptism candidates.

Well anyways..alot of things happened yesterday..

I really lost my temper alot & was very disappointed in myself for having lost my cool on such a joyous day

I do not wanna elaborate much in here coz I dun wanna start recalling the negative bits of the day

Sat in silence for the next hour till mass started,busy smsing Sanjit away.

He gave me some encouragement & advice..after a while I managed to compose myself & enjoy the full celebration of the mass.

It was long though!!

We only ended around 11pm..which means we had been sitting for 4 hours!!

My family,including my Uncle,Aunt and cousin Evelyn then trooped back merrily to my place

They were planning to spend the night with us & go back today

So drank wine & had cake at the stroke of midnight,followed by a delicious dinner..

It was especially delicious bcoz mum and I officially broke our 40 day abstinence from meat..hehehe

Now I really have to watch my diet carefully!!

Well spent the night talking with Eve..we watched some TV while the elders slept peacefully..

Now everyone's asleep except me..bcoz I have no space!!

Arrghhh..I know I always sleep late but its already 8am and Im really feeling tired now..

Not to mention the fact that I'm trying my best to keep my misery down & enjoy my Easter Sunday..

I just wanna sleeeeeeeeep..

Ok then.. be back later..

Once again a very Happy Easter to all!!

[ 6:34 AM ]

Well its 6.15am on a Saturday morning..

For some reason I could barely sleep

I did drift off for 10-15mins or so but suddenly woke up

Yeah went to bed around 5am in the first place

Was watching this weird Chinese horror movie on Channel 8

Then hung on the hp talking to Sanjit for a short while

He was talking to me about the death of Arthur C.Clarke & a bit about the cosmic explosion that recently occured

For those of you unfamiliar with that name..

Arthur Charles Clarke was most famous for his science fiction novel

2001:A Space Odyssey which was co-written by Stanley Kubrick(im gonna smack the ass who asks me who is Stanley Kubrick) & later made into a film.

This futurist/inventor/sci-fi author's death coincided with the cosmic explosion..

which is pretty interesting,right?

Thanks Sanju..he is my walking research book!

Anyways,

I checked out the topic..for those who'd like to read more,this is the link

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20080321/tts-us-space-972e412.html

After that continued yakking with Glash

After i was UNCEREMONIOUSLY cut off in the midst of a conversation AGAIN by her

I settled down to watch Lost Worlds on the History Channel..

Interestingly the topic was "Jesus' Jerusalem"

It was pretty intriguing!!

As we know,Jerusalem is a very holy place &

especially of major importance for 3 of the oldest religions in the world,

namely Judaism,Christianity & Islam

The Jerusalem of today has undergone several changes over the past 20 centuries

In fact,one can barely imagine how it would have looked like during the time of Jesus.

What this show actually did was to gather data & actually present to the viewer visually how Jerusalem would have looked like through the eyes of Jesus.

Speaking of which,just a couple of days ago..on the very same channel,I came across this show called The Riddles of The Bible.I guess there were alot of shows on this of late

due to the Holy week.I didn't quite catch the entire show but it had something to do with the brothers Cain & Abel..the first sons of Adam & Eve.

Again,I'll explain a bit for those unsure..

According to Genesis, Cain and Abel were the first and second sons of Adam & Eve.

Cain was a farmer & Abel was a shepherd.

Cain, commits the first murder by killing his brother Abel, after God rejects Cain's sacrifice but accepts Abel's.

Now,there are several interpretations & variations as to what happened in several recordings,Moses & Qur'an to name a few.

It was very interesting also because of the fact that this was the very first crime committed..before that murders were completely unheard of..hence Cain was widely regarded as ancestor of evil,while the gentle Abel was regarded as the first martyr.

Cain was remorseful when he saw his brother was dead & was driven out into the wild desert

In his fear & desperation he called out to God

God forgave Cain & even put a mark upon him so that he would come to no harm from those who wanted vengence on him.

The riddles?

God forgave Cain,who murdered his own brother.Why?

God put a mark of protection upon Cain.Why?

What was the mark exactly?

The answers?There are many speculations..we can argue about it forever,but for now one of the theories that was put forward was this...

See..when Cain murdered his brother,there had been no such thing as murder before that.

So nobody knew what was the meaning of murder..or death..coz such things had never happened.

So,when Cain attacked his brother,it was with the intent to hurt,not to kill..for Cain himself didn't know about death.

This was why when Cain called out to God,remorseful in the desert,God forgave him,for he knew not what he had done.When Cain said that even though God forgave him,he was still in danger from others,God gave him a mark of protection.As to what was the mark exactly..no one could put a finger on that.

These are not my words,I'm quoting the theories of the show.

It was super interesting..they then went on to show how the very first crime committed against one's own brother,was the beginning of several bloodshed & violent chapters which could be found in the Holy Bible itself..

Wow..its already almost 7.30am!

What the..

I get so engrossed in my writing..I tend to forget myself at times..

I'm so sorry if I bored any of you guys out there with this..

hahah but I love history & religions..so..yeahh

For those of you who patiently read through this..

Thank you..

Aaaaahhh its Easter Sunday tomorrow!!

So fast!!

Really really fast this time.Will be attending the Easter mass tonight..It's my favourite mass celebration in the entire year..to me it even beats Christmas mass!

I'll be super busy so in case I don't get a chance to pop in here

Happy Easter!!!

[ 1:49 PM ]

Damn I still can't believe he's gone forever

[ 10:51 PM ]

A special mention about Indian actor Raghuvaran,who passed away suddenly today.

I'm sure many fans of South Indian cinema,especially Tamil, would know Raghuvaran as the very talented villain+character actor.

Born in Palakkad,Kerala,on Dec 11 1958 (Its strange alot of internet sites have stated it as 1948!!)

He first started his acting career in 1982.

He captivated many of us with his own distinctive style & mannerisms

He had this slow,deliberate,drawling style of talking

In fact I don't remember him speaking or acting in any other style besides his own!

He wasn't the high action,flying & kicking in the air kinda villain actor

He seemed to always maintain an elegant,pondering demeanour.

No matter how evil his character was in a film,we couldn't help but be fascinated with this man.

Villain roles aside,

I particularly remember him playing the role of father

to a mentally challenged child in the touching film Anjali

He was also one of Superstar Rajnikanth's favourite actors

The moment we see Raghuvaran's name in the opening credits of a movie,

We know we're gonna be in for some real cool villain character acting

Even if the movie itself sucked,he would shine in his role.

That's the kind of appeal he had on the masses.

Without a doubt he was regarded as one of the most influential actors of all time.

Almost all the guys I know have attempted to imitate this late actor's style of speaking at some time or other.

It was only when I read the news online,did I find out that unfortunately he had a drinking problem as well as a drug habit which he was unable to kick.This has caused a separation between him & his actress wife,Rohini..who left him. Even though he had tried to reconcile with her,it was no use.

He was a loner with a bad addiction.

The darkness he portrayed on screen had somehow seeped into his own life.

I think its really very sad & tragic to have a life end in this way.

The Indian cinema industry has lost a great actor..Raghuvaran can never be replaced.

For me,personally,I feel very sad as he is one of the very few actors I have come to admire

Especially some of his famous dialogues are still fresh in my mind

It's certainly a shock as he had kept a low profile for some time & decided to make a comeback early this year

So with alot of fond memories & prayers,

May his soul rest in peace.

[ 11:33 PM ]

Today had been an extremely weird day.
Even though its almost midnight now..
I'm still asking myself if this day happened at all?
Or was I asleep having an unnaturally long dream?
Haha..well anyways started the morning off with a resolve to weigh myself
Yeah I had been putting it off all this while coz I really didn't wanna see how much I had gained
However since I started on my diet,I resolved to check out my weight..I did that last month
Today exactly a month later,I braced myself and stepped on the weighing scale.
I LOST WEIGHT!!!
i'm not gonna say how much but it was a very good start!
I now know that I am definitely on the right track!
Thanks to my wonderful family & my darling buddies for all the encouragement & love!!
So I guess I shall update on that next month..

Well so as you can see I started off the morning on a high note..
Even went out in the blistering sun & came home without any complaints
The next thing which happened was kinda unexpected
I had recieved a message from a "long lost friend"
Someone whom I had practically given up hope on
Suddenly..she's back in my life again.
Well nothing much to say for now except that things are not always what we expect them to be.
I just wanna say to all in general..
If you have any problems,don't sit in the dark & try to cover the demons
Coz that's not gonna work
If you're blessed with good friends,confide in them
Don't live under a facade..
Your troubles won't just go away..in fact they will get even worse
Coz you know that you are not who/what people think you are
Speak out.Don't be afraid of ridicule or rejection.
Those who reject you are not worth your time ultimately,coz they only liked you for your facade.
True friends may be angry for a while,but let me tell you..their anger is not gonna be so great that they would forsake you!

It just makes me very sad.
I'm not saying I'm Ms.Perfect
Not all of us like to portray our real selves to the world
So we bluff a bit..
pretend we're cooler than we really are.
smarter than we really are.
just white lies.
They don't really affect our lives or the lives of those around us.
If you can take away the little lies and still know who YOU are,then ur safe
Ahhh,but if you take away the lies & find that you do NOT know who you really are
That's tragic.
It happens..to the best of us.
Well my dear friends..all I can say is that if you see someone whom you know is very clearly distressed,
but not displaying it..
Try to help a bit.
Yeah I know sometimes we just wanna avoid unnecessary trouble..but..honestly,you don't have to do much..
Just try to be a good friend & be there for the person
We live in a world full of stress & evil..there are many out there who just want a listening ear
Surely that's not too much to ask for?

We may have several good friends & loved ones,
but there are some who do not have anyone in their lives.
I am not simply saying this in general,
I'm saying this coz I do know people who are like that!
All the money you spend on religious prayers & offerings,
all the precious jewels you adorn various incarnations of God with,
are NOTHING in God's eyes if YOU do not have a GIVING heart.
What's the point of ur successful career & abundant wealth if
you don't have the heart to share it with the less fortunate?
What's the point of rolling in money when all the money in the world
can't cure a blackened stone heart?

It's really funny y'know guys..
We humans,the so called SUPERIOR race
We NEED money to spend
So we go out there & sweat to EARN that money
Yet when we have too much money,we can't bear to part with it
We go out & earn more
We keep taking..but we have no heart to give any of it back to society
Soon we keep getting richer,but poorer in peace & love
We think that we control our money very well..
In fact its money that starts ruling us!
Then as we age,all those years of extreme hard work bring us crashing down
The hard earned money has to be spent just for our medical expenses
Alas..by now we have driven away everyone from our lives..
Then,as all mortals do one day,we have to die.
Then,my dear friends,what happens to the money?

What I just mentioned is a theory on the nature of Man
Of course I'm not talking about the life of an average Joe who has a big family to support
The thing is..
Those who give of what they have,even when it means they do not have anything left for themselves,
are abundantly blessed by God,who is silently watching our every move.
I tell you,what you give by the kindness of your heart,God gives you back ten-fold.
God also sees the hypocrites who sing the loudest in the temples & churches,who give alms only when they know people are watching them,but chase the poor away when they come in darkness.
For them,God has a different plan.

Whoa..looks like I got carried away!!
Can anyone get me a job in National Geographic or Discovery Channel?
I think I could rattle off topics for the viewers effortlessly!
Or maybe...
I should be a talk show host!!!
Like Ellen DeGeneres..or Tyra Banks..or Oprah!!
Aiya..but then I have to get famous first.
Or else no one will come to my shows in the first place.
Then again in Singapore,how to have daytime talk show?
All too busy working to come!!
Chey...waste of brain power thinking about this.
Since we are on this topic..I always wanted to know..
Does anyone have any idea how come the daytime talk shows we see on TV..
yeah.. the Oprah,the Ellen,the Tyra ..
are always filled with people??
You mean these people actually come in everyday for this shows?
Or are the shows taped on weekends & telecast later?
How could that be?The shows run everyday what!!
Or is it that America has alot of jobless people?!
Someone answer my query pleassssssee!!!

Ok so today...from dieting,we went to troubled friends,Man & money,Charity VS God,and talkshows.
Waaaaaaah..you see..
I give you people so much to read & think about!!
pssst..actually I have not finished about my day..but I think I better stop here..
We can't have TOO MUCH of a GOOD thing y'know
ahem ahem..HAHAHA

I guess I do have some potential as a future talk show host in the future..
maybe when I'm 40 or something..
oooh-la-la!!

[ 5:36 PM ]

I knew this day would come.
After a whole week of whining about the never ending rainstorms
Today the entire island seems to be sun soaked.
Or rather..ROASTED i should say.
What the hell?it's definitely gotta be the hottest day ever today!
I was walking out for lunch and as usual didn't bother to use any form of sun protection..
I walk nonchalantly out of the sheltered area smirking at the aunties

who tottered around with their silver UV protection brollies..

Then it hit me.

It was like walking straight into wall of hot air.
Yikes..damn bloody terok i tell ya!
It wasn't just the direct rays of the mid-noon sun,the very air was dense with the heat

I aint exaggerating ok..

Coupled with strong winds that seemed to boost the heatwaves rather than cool it..

It really was unbearable.

Even at around 6pm,

it was still freaking HOT.

Reached home in a semi-dazed state..

I felt that I would pass out at any moment

Headed straight for the fridge & gulped down some ice-cold water

Ahhhh.

Precious water..

I didn't have to look into the mirror to see the condition of my prickling skin

I was half-baked just by spending some time walking home!

I HATE THE FREAKING SUN!!

Arrrgh.

Ok ok enough ranting

Spoke to Twinny today after a long time..

She was on the way home after work

Had a tough time hearing her over the braking & screeching of the bus
Still..it was nice to catch up..

Haiz.

Remember some weeks ago I was droning on and on

about how I intended to start watching my diet & skincare routine?
Ok..updates

I stopped using certain cosmetics &

went back to the very basic 3 golden rules:

Cleanse,Tone,Moisturize

I did that faithfully each morning & night

I can feel my skin regaining back some of its lost glow & tautness

Even my dark eye rings are slowly but surely improving

So that's a step in the right direction & I'm pleased about that.

Secondly,the diet

Yeah I know most people don't really talk about BEING on a diet

I used to be like that in my teenage years

Now..I realise that I don't mind telling people I'm on a diet,

especially my family members & buddies

Yeah at first I was teased but when they saw that I was serious,

they encouraged me.

So that's good right?

Way better than restricting yourself silently & dieting on the sly

At least instead of feeding me at the WRONG times,

my family is now sensitive to my health concerns &

prepare healthier stuff!!

Thanks to this,they are also eating healthier.

The best part is..

its barely a month but I can already feel & see the effects of a well balanced diet!

Even dear Glash commented on it when I met up with her last week..

So..strrrriiike two!!

I am not getting carried away though coz this is just the beginning

I have to stick to this plan for at least the next few months

Then I shall start working on an exercise plan

Not now ah..later ok..

Now the only worry on my mind is finding a new job

I hope I get a lucky break real soon..

Well ok its dinner time..

Catch ya later darlings

[ 8:56 PM ]

[ 3:50 AM ]

Went to church yesterday ..today being Passion Sunday(Palm Sunday) n all..I have made it a point to set aside my personal stuff & make sure I attend mass with my family on Saturday evenings..since I know I hardly can wake up in the mornings the next day to attend Mass ..So its been Novena service followed by Mass for the past 4 Saturdays now..

I must say it feels good.

Firstly its because after a long time,I feel as if there is indeed a path for me to follow in life..yes,I'm still stumbling around in the dark..but I don't feel hopelessly lost anymore..I'm just pushing on ahead till I find that path.

Secondly,I get a chance to actually communicate with my family properly..usually we see one another at the end of a busy working day..they'd be busy in the living room catching up on their TV shows..the younger ones like us would be busy in our own rooms,mostly on the Internet.Now,we get to talk alot more about our opinions as we walk the 15 minute journey to church.Sometimes we even bump into our close relatives after church and we end up spending loads of time catching up.

Thirdly,I see alot of people that I actually USED to know when I was a young kid still in my clumsy bermudas & colourful tops..people whom I viewed from a child's point of view before..now infront of me..and I view them from a young woman's point of view. I see them..they,who used to be in the latest fashions & colours of the late 80s back then..now toned down & subtle..I wonder if I have changed as much..and I wonder if someone else is actually looking at me and thinking the exact same thing..the thing is..I NEVER THOUGHT EVEN ONCE ABOUT THESE PEOPLE IN THE LAST..15 YEARS OR SO..AND TO ACTUALLY SEE THEM AGAIN..brings alot of childhood memories back.

Yes..I know ur prolly thinking this nut thinks too much..well..too bad..i like to give my brains some exercise,see?

Hehehe..and of course..last but not least..I feel closer to God.

I didn't forget about God ok?hahahah

Anyways for some reason..I dunno why I loved the Mass today..

Maybe it was the sight of the fully packed church,pew to pew,floor to floor,all with palm leaves clutched in their hands..

Maybe its the Gospel reading of Christ's Passion that made it beautiful to me?

More than all of that..it was the beautiful singing of the choir.

Having been in one of the church choirs before as a teen,to this day there are many hymns that I still hold close to my heart..especially songs sung during these solemn Lenten period...songs of hope,songs of forgiveness,songs of Israel..so much for one to ponder about..

Oh well..didn't do much today..was supposed to follow mum out but decided to stay in at the last moment..Suddenly felt like listening to Flood by Jars of Clay..Not that I am into Christian rock or anything,but this song rocks!Chatted with Daniel for a while and he sent me some cool songs..Felt bored so decided to update my Friendster layout..Well..could not find what I was looking for even though I browsed thru some of my fave sites..In the end I opened up Photoshop & worked on a background illustration for my Friendster...

Hahaha started out with completely no idea but ended up creating something which I kinda liked..it's not great or anything of course..but do check it out k?Some of you might find it a tad dark but that was the whole idea..Well..am having a slight headache now...so I'll continue working on the layout later..Arggh..I hate having all the unnecessary banners & ads on my profile..Each time we come up with awesome layout codes,Friendster updates & filters them.So sickening..

Anyways..i just realized that my hp is still on my bed!!It's like 8pm and I have not even glanced at my hp the whole day...Damn..

Laterz..

[ 5:11 AM ]

Mary forwarded this email to me..

Thought you guys should see it..

hahaha kinda made me go... hmmmmmm..why indeed???

EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquidmade with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA..

[ 4:36 AM ]

Helllloooo kiddos!!
Been meaning to post since yesterday but was too darn busy
So here I am..at 4.30am in the morning..
Noooooo..it's not that I have just woken up or anything..
on the contrary..I'm just ABOUT to hit the sack
*hangs head in shame*
so much for my good record last week
oh well..
there's always NEXT week rite?
Had loads of fun with Glash yesterday..
We were supposed to catch a movie..but thanks to the shitty weather..
I ended up meeting her kinda late!
We sorta wanted to catch The Eye..yeah yeah
Even though we had already seen the original versions..
Just thought it would be cool to catch the Hollywood version too..
The movie was just released barely a couple of weeks ago..if I'm not mistaken
Yet..there were just a couple of slots for the movie..the last being 3.15pm
Boo hoo.
Crappy Jurong Entertainment Ctr.
**stares daggers at CERTAIN Jurong residents**
So instead of sitting thru some other movie which we really did not wanna see..
We went window shopping!!
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!
If you can't be cuddling into bed,then there's no better way to spend a cold,wet,rainy day!!

Then we stopped for some finger food & drinks before heading to the 2nd level of the mall
I mean..SO CALLED MALL...
tsk tsk
hahaha
anyways..yeah the 2nd level was in fact the main reason Glash was excited..
Coz this 2nd level houses a store..a kinda arcade actually..with several of those photo taking gizmos..
Those my age..
remember how we went oooh-aaaah in our secondary school days when this trend started in the early 90s??
NEO PRINTS!!!hahaha
Back then 4 bucks was like..ok la not SUCH a big thing..BUT..still..
many of us skipped recess just to keep the moolah for those teeny-weeny photo stickers!!
We couldn't find ENOUGH places to show off our cool tiny stickers
Back then I thought it would be a passing fad..
Now I see that they have in fact IMPROVISED on these wonderful ''machines''
Of course..at double the prices..
So yeah well..to be honest,the first time I walked into this place with Glash..
I felt very out of place..
Coz the last I came to such a cutesy place was prolly when I was still in my A.I uniform..
Sigh..
I didn't feel OLD ok..dun get the wrong idea hmmph..
Just felt that I should be somewhere more..ermm..LESS CUTESY??
hahhaha this time Glash & I were kinda rushing..
So we dashed to the first shocking pink curtained booth thingy..
Spent the next hour there getting used to the various buttons & the entire procedure
Yeah la the instructions in Japanese what!!
We guessed our way thru..and ended up accidentally overlooking some of the cooler pics we took
SO SAAAAAAAAAD!!
Haiz..well nevermind..it wasn't a total waste..
Glash had some strange posing thingy going on the whole day..
See,she'd just keep covering the side of her face with her hand..
In fact..that was the ONLY kinda pose she did the whole damn day!!

Hahahahaha..
Paid $$$ to take photo then cover ur face?!!
Hellloooo??
Sigh..
Anyways it was fun..
After that,we divided the pix between us,and happily tucking the precious pix in our bags,we made our way home
Then my uncle picked Glash up & I proceeded to take the MRT home...
Didn't do anything much..but all that running & laughing & posing made me feel so tired!!
Not to mention the fact that it was raining everywhere & I had to walk reallly carefully in my platforms..
So..taking the day off was totally worth it today..
Glash & I are still planning to catch The Eye..hopefully before this weekend..
Soooo tired...I'm going to bed now..
By the way..remember that day I was grumbling about my Internet system?
Well now my hp is going loco on me..
For the past few days my network has been either busy or I have been unable to send smses for hours..
Or when I'm happily yakking away on the hp,my line just goes off abrubtly!
So damn irritating I tell ya!!
Am I being tagged by the Govt???
hahahahahahahah..yeah riiite..
we shall discuss more on that later
Au Revoir darlings

ps:
i miss u Twinny..
never heard from u past 2 days..
= (

[ 5:06 PM ]

Did you know???
Some fast facts about the human body..

Hiccups happen when the diaphragm, the muscle that controls our breathing, becomes irritated and start to spasm and contract uncontrollably. With each contraction, air is pulled into the lungs very quickly, passes through the voice box, and then the epiglottis closes behind the rush of air, shaking the vocal chords, causing the "hic" sound. The irritation can be caused by rapid eating, emotional stress and even some diseases. The best cure? Breathing into a paper bag. This calms the diaphragm by increasing the amount of carbon dioxide in your bloodstream.
The length from your wrist to your elbow is the same as the length of your foot.
Your heart beats 101,000 times a day. During your lifetime it will beat about 3 billion times and pump about 400 million litres (800 million pints) of blood.
Your mouth produces 1 litre (1.8 pints) of saliva a day.
On average, people can hold their breath for one minute. The world record is seven-and-a-half minutes.
The human head contains 22 bones.
On average, you breathe 23,000 times a day.
On average, you speak almost 5,000 words a day - although almost 80% of speaking is self-talk (talking to yourself).
Einstein's brain was of average size (1375 grams - 49oz).
If the amount of water in your body is reduced by just 1%, you'll feel thirsty
Hippocrates, the Father of Medicine, suggested that a woman could enlarge her bust line by singing loudly and often
A person can live without food for about a month, but only about a week without water.
You'll drink about 75,000 litres (20,000 gallons) of water in your lifetime.
After a certain period of growth, hair becomes dormant. That means that it is attached to the hair follicle until replaced by new hair.
Hair on the head grows for between two and six years before being replaced. In the case of baldness, the dormant hair was not replaced with new hair.
Men lose about 40 hairs a day. Women lose about 70 hairs a day.
In the Middle Ages the length from the tip of the middle finger to the elbow was called an ell.
A person remains conscious for eight seconds after being decapitated.
The first human sex change took place in 1950 when Danish doctor Christian Hamburger operated on New Yorker George Jargensen, who became Christine Jargensen.
The muscle that lets your eye blink is the fastest muscle in your body. It allows you to blink 5 times a second. On average, you blink 15 000 times a day. Women blink twice as much as men.
A typical athlete's heart churns out 25 to 30 litres (up to 8 gallons) of blood per minute.
We have four basic tastes. The salt and sweet taste buds are at the tip of the tongue, bitter at the base, and sour along the sides.
Unless food is mixed with saliva you cannot taste it.
The liver is the largest of the body's internal organs. The skin is the body's largest organ.
Not all our taste buds are on our tongue; about 10% are on the palette and the cheeks.
Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails.
A newborn baby's head accounts for one-quarter of its weight
The bones in your body are not white - they range in colour from beige to light brown. The bones you see in museums are white because they have been boiled and cleaned.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth.
Every person has a unique tongue print.
If all your DNA is stretched out, it would reach to the moon 6,000 times
Approximately two-thirds of a person's body weight is water. Blood is 92% water. The brain is 75% water and muscles are 75% water.
We actually do not see with our eyes - we see with our brains. The eyes basically are the cameras of the brain. One-quarter of the brain is used to control the eyes.

[ 4:39 PM ]

[ 11:50 PM ]

First up I just wanna say that I'm feeling loads better..

I've sort of made peace with myself..

So all's well.

For NOW that is..

Knowing me..I'm bound to be entangled in some fishy matters sooner or later

I guess I have some kinda magnetic force around me

Hahaha..seems to attract trouble whether I like it or not!

Anyways..

WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THE CYBER WORLD TODAY?!!!

For starters,my pc has been acting rather shadily for the past few days..

My usually silent CPU has been whirring and humming with activity non-stop

I have had to refresh Friendster each time I wanted to link to a particular section..

So quite obviously I thought that it was either a Friendster problem(as usual)

Or that my pc was waaay overloaded with unwanted stuff

Yesterday I did a clean up & deleted all the unwanted stuff..

Yeah hundreds of photos that I took last year..and loads of other crap stuff that I had downloaded at one time or other

Even then..the problems persisted

Still..since I was able to get my stuff done,I didn't bother much

Then today..

The Friendster problem got worse..

Now I had to refresh each page at least 7-8 times..before I could gain access

Then..when I wanted to change my profile song..I experienced the same problem with Imeem

Refresh..refresh..refresh..finally..can't play song at all!

By this time..after a tiring day..I was really feeling the irritation

I gave my CPU one might whack

Don't ask me what was the purpose

It just felt good.

Arghh

Glash came online so I asked her if she was able to listen to songs on Imeem

Well..she also couldn't..so it had to be an Imeem glitch..

She was asking me some stuff about Facebook..apparently she was unable to log in..

So I told her to wait while I tried to log in to mine..

And would you know it..

click..refresh

click..refresh..refresh..refresh

"YOU HAVE EXCEEDED THE NUMBER OF INVALID LOG IN ATTEMPTS.PLS RE-SET YOUR PASSWORD''

Like wtf rite?

In the first place I was keying in the CORRECT password

Ok fine..so I thought that I goofed somewhere

Told Glash to hang on while they sent the password details to my hotmail account.

Click.

click click click

clickclickclickclickclick

CLLLIIIIICCCKKKK!!!!

Not again.

I was prompted for my password which was idiotic coz I usually just went in straightaway

Mercifully my hotmail password was accepted

HOWEVER ..

I was unable to access my inbox..so I could not retrieve the email that Facebook sent me..

THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW!!!

Arrrghhhhhhh

No Friendster..No Facebook..No Imeem..No Hotmail..

Really like kenna sai la!!

Hahahaha am still ranting and raving about it to Glash..

Promised Twinny I'd help her change some stuff in her profile..

Now even that is halfway done..

I sooooo hate leaving stuff halfway hanging!!

Bleahhh..

Luckily I'm in a fairly decent mood today..

Oh-oh..

I hope I'm able to save this entry..I see the Blogger icon blinking..

Aiyayayaaaai..the Internet Gods are punishing meeeeee!!

[ 8:50 PM ]

8.45pm and I been trying to keep myself occupied

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse..

Hahaha..

Hello God?

I'm only human..

Are you testing me or punishing me?

Either way..I'm almost reaching my breaking point

If things get any worse,I might just lose myself..

Slowly along the way I'm learning alot of painful lessons

I just hope my sanity prevails in order for me correct my mistakes

I'm gonna go to bed now

There's nothing left to anticipate today

[ 5:31 PM ]

Nothing much happening

I seem to be stuck in a semi-permanent state of limbo

Here I am steadily detoriating away while the rest of the world skips by happily

Went to church yesterday..kinda good that I'm getting back into the habit of church going..

At least for that one hour or so my mind is at peace

After mass bumped into my cousins & family..the large group of us walked back together happily after church..

Proceeded to spend a pretty long time chatting away at the pavillion near our homes..

Sigh..

Been going out with Nessa quite frequently,but things don't seem to be like before

I have been told that I've changed alot

I doubt it

Its just that I have my own sadness & here I am trying to forget it all but these people just keep rubbing it in.

I have come to the conclusion that I can never make people around me understand exactly what I'm going thru.

No..its not as easy as just simply pushing it aside and not bothering

Believe me..i have tried that so many many times

Look I know that most of you in here would prolly even be in the dark about what I'm going on and on about

It's sumtg that I would love to share but I can't..not for now anyways

Well..

I dunno what else to say

I just feel very lost.

it's horribly unfair to be always left wondering..

I wish that some people would realize that...I can laugh and joke but I'm basically banging my head on the walls here

I can't go on like this

All I wanna do is to be calm & to be in control of myself but..I'm dangerously close to tears

I dunno when its all gonna erupt..

Well i think i shall end this rubbish entry for now

I'm not making sense even to myself

I just wanna say sorry to some of my friends..

Whom I have been ignoring for the past few days

Please don't take it personal..

I have tried my best to share your enthusiasm but I just can't make it..

I know I have been sounding moody & vague

I just need some space

Coz I'm really going thru a very difficult time now

I know that I can't confide in anyone so just let me be

Just please don't start hating me..

I'm surrounded by so many friends yet I feel so utterly lost & alone

Forsaken.

[ 11:22 PM ]

Managed to end the day on a contented note last night.

Everything went well..the birthday gathering was sorta fun.

I was rather tired after being sent on several errands

Yet instead of sleeping

I ended up staying glued to the TV throughout the night.

Today was just ..dull & meaningless.

Oh..Nessa..my buddy who's been in Aussie for some time now,is back!

Yeah so at least that's SOME good news..

Oh and oh..cousin Jaryl did extremely well for his A-levels!!

Wheeeee..yeah that was another piece of welcome news..

Besides that was busy with more errands..

I'm sure by now you guys would have read or at least heard about a guy being shot in Outram yesterday?

I first recieved the news from Mary

I smsed my darling Twinny who's working in that area..

but our dear friend was happily commuting back home so had no idea of what was going on!

Hahahaa..You rock la Twinny!!!

I smsed Sanjit who then told me what had actually happened.

Apparently this Chinese guy had stabbed & killed someone,and ran off

Police officers pursued him & then I dunno what happened but he was shot by one of the officers..

Right in the chest..and he died.

Wahhh..like really it was sorta shocking coz it's rare for police to actually shoot to kill an escapee..

I mean..we hardly hear of such stuff right?

in fact the last something like that happened was some years back I think..

Well today the news had made headlines..

and I managed to get the full story..

I thought it happened in some random part of Outram but it was right at the MRT station!

Right at the railway platform!!

OMG!!

In fact passengers were directed away from alighting or boarding at that particular area

Imagine stepping out onto a corpse!!!

Apparently this guy,who murdered his so-called friend,or drinking kaki or whatever..

pulled out his knife in a menacing manner upon being cornered by the officers..

I dunno what exactly happened in between but it ended up with

the officer firing a shot in self defence..

Too bad,it was right into his chest & he died.

Back at the scene of the crime where the earlier stabbing took place,

not much people were willing to disclose much.

Well..now that the murderer is ALSO dead..

I guess there's not much anyone else could possibly find out.

With JI leader Mas Selamat still on the loose,and our total forces out still tracking him

It sorta makes you wonder..

Is Singapore not as safe as it used to be?

Oh well..

We have not been informed of any other details..

All we can do is question each other & mull over the probable answers

How did this Mas Selamat escape?

Let's say he was left alone at the toilet,then how come he wasn't apprehended at the main gates?

Aren't there any CCTV records in such a high security centre?

What does the minister mean exactly by '' SECURITY LAPSE''?

Was it sheer human error or a cleverly planned inside job?

So much of manpower and energy being put to use

Men of youth & valour by the hundreds

After a limping man?

What a freaking joke la.

Well I guess we'll just have to stay tuned to this on going season of ''Toilet Break''

As it is,the news has slowly been slowly slipping out of the headlines.

All we can do is tap our toes & wait patiently for the specially formed investigation committee

to come back with a full report.

After all..we Singaporeans are a very patient well behaved bunch.

What?!

We would never dream of talking back or questioning our rulers

No no no

We'll just wait for our good ol' Govt..

Our good ol' HIGHLY PAID ministers..(pay them more pay them more!)

to settle this..

By now we're already the laughing stock of Asia..if not the world.

That just sucks la coz I dunno about you guys but I'm like

freaking proud of my country ok..and now

I feel as if this puny Mas Selamat has beaten the entire country & is sitting on the other side of the fence,sticking out his tongue goin..

'neh neh nee boo boo''

**on a serious note though..this is avery grave matter.

yes,there are questions but these questioning can't undo the damage

or the fact that right now among us there is a dangerous man

who doesn't just have wicked intentions,but also the

capability of carrying out his plans.

this is definitely not the time to get all racist &

start taking sides!

So some of you out there stop being childish & lame ok!

It goes 2 ways..

Just bcoz Mas Selamat is Muslim ,it doesn't mean that Islam condones these acts!

From what I do understand,Islam is a religion of peace.

I know this to be true not just from my studies but also

from my own experiences with my Muslim friends.

Then..there are some people among us who MAY think that they have to help

a fellow Muslim in his time of need..but please remember,

this is no ordinary man.

Given a chance,he can cause destruction to many,including YOU.

He's not gonna spare you just bcoz you helped him.

From what I've come across,personally,the older generation seems to be having this kinda mentality.

It would be wise for the younger generation to educate them.

Above all this..remember..

Its a serious offence to shelter a criminal.

So like what I said..peoples' mentality works in both ways..

Both are unhealthy attitudes which can boom into serious consequences for all of us.

It's up to us to maintain this healthy cohesiveness.**

Oh well back to my own crisis..

Nessa & her fiance,Don called me out..

Well not sure if I'm gonna go..I might think about it later

For now I'm just too tired to even think..

I badly need to enjoy myself..

I thought that things would get better but who am I kidding..

Its still as bad..sometimes I think i'm just being a hypocrite by keeping silent

Then again..who gives a damn when I open my mouth to speak my heart?

People get defensive & my feelings count for nothing.

So..yeah..really am not trying to be an emo freak here..just saying that in my heart..

There is alot of bitterness

I just dunno where it's all gonna end

Oh yeah..why should I know..why should I even wanna bother to know?

Like I'm ever gonna get the answers.

Have a great weekend people.

Ciao