This is me,Patricia
Welcome to my blog
Be nice & I'll be nicer
I bite bitches
Have a glorious day
Monday, November 17, 2008
[ 10:58 AM ]
Friday, November 14, 2008
[ 3:27 PM ]
I have just been so woteva lately!
I have been meaning to blog..it's not that I have nothing to say,mind you..just simply too lazy to sit down and type out my feelings into words.
The only reason why I chose to come in here right now is coz Clif and I have an appointment at 4.30pm..it's close to 3.30pm and my dear cuz is not back home yet..no surprise there.So I'm ready and bored.and alone at home.
and it's raining.
and i'm hungry.
and i miss london.
and i especially miss someone.
ok i'm done whining.
Clif is back soooooo..thank u for reading this load of bull!
Adios!
ps: I willllllll be back
Saturday, November 8, 2008
[ 5:35 AM ]
It's sorta weird when I look back at my last post.I thought I was gonna be busy re-doing my blog skin and all other sort of web related clean ups I had been avoiding for waaay too long.On that very day,that is,on 11/10/08..not long after my entry..We recieved news from London that my dearly beloved aunt had passed away.Mum was the one who recieved the call from my cousin and it was she who started breaking down.The rest of us were just numb with shock.Though she was in London,she never failed to call us weekly...Yes she was sickly but she went through life bravely and even travelled until she really was too sick to do so.In fact the last I spoke to her was on my birthday where we had a teasing session about me tying the knot soon.She said,not for the first time,but for the last time..that she wanted to see me in London married before she died..as usual I made a joke out of it and she laughed but she was serious about it.How was I to know..she'd leave us all like this?
She was the eldest in our family and though she was so far away,she was always up to date with whatever was happening within our family network.
Suffice to say my mum said that she was going for the funeral.It was a toss up between Clifton and myself as to who would go with her.That was the first plan on Saturday itself.
By Monday..it was decided that ALL of us would go.
Eleven of us.Brother,sisters,cousin,nieces,nephew,in-laws.
So on the 15th of October we all set off for London.
It was tough not get excited since for Glash,Clifton and myself it was our first time travelling to London..on a 17hr flight journey no less..and furthermore the first time that Clif and I would see the rest of our cousins,Galton and Joyce who had not been to Singapore yet..however each time we smiled,we sighed..thinking how nice it would be if she was alive to greet us ..all those times she kept calling us to go over..and when we finally decided to go next year during the June holidays..she decided to leave us.
The journey to London was filled with hiccups from the very start..from home to Changi Airport to Doha to finally Heathrow..where we had a mini spat with one of the staff there..and lemme tell u I never though I'd get out of that bloody airport..the way things were going...yeah yeah British security is very tight these days but we had been travelling for nearly 17-18 hours and we were sooo tired and sad the more we thought about the fact that we are heading to see the body of our beloved ..and here this people were just testing our patience!It was with much difficulty that we controlled our tempers.
The short stay at London..was the best few days of my entire life.
Within the first hour itself,Glash and I were like..."Why aren't we living in this place???!!!"
It was a very emotional scene at 4 Essex Road.
The house that I had seen several times in all the photos my aunt sent from those years..
and the fact that now she was not in it,but in a funeral parlour.cold and lifeless in a strange place with strangers.Even then I did not cry.
After kissing and hugging the familiar faces,and being introduced to the truck load of nieces and nephews,we rushed off to the funeral parlour..and that's where I lost whatever restrain I had.The moment I saw her..everything just came back to me..the way I used to brush her long silky black hair when she came down to Singapore in the late 80s...the loving way she gazed at my late grandma,the cute arguments between her & her hubby,my dearest late Uncle..and most of all..her smile.We cried.All of us broke down silently within ourselves as we stood in a circle around her.It all just seemed so surreal.
After that the rest of the days went by in a blur..I loved the place and I loved my cousins,their spouses and the kids..I have 10 nieces and nephews!Obviously we could not go sightseeing as we were there for a funeral..we did manage to squeeze in some car trips though as our cousins brought us along on the errand runs.
I could go on about the days I spent there..but I have no time now and besides I don't want to exhaust all of those beautiful memories so fast..so I shall talk about them here and there,on and off..now we are all even more in touch than usual..so it's all good.
I don't even know why I started on this post when all I wanted to do was choose a new blogskin..I guess the date of my last entry 11/10 triggered it off.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
[ 3:22 AM ]
Will be back real soon..promise
In the meantime ,revamping this stale page
cheers
Sunday, September 14, 2008
[ 6:16 PM ]
[ 5:39 PM ]
So they say time heals all wounds. How many times have you heard that & honestly felt like slapping the next person to tell you that? I have been through hard times..I won't say that my troubles are of the serious kind..not in that way,but to me,they were enough to plunge me into a world of darkness. In a way..I still remember certain painful moments as I sit peacefully now.. It's true the mind never forgets.. We subconsciously will ourselves to forgive & FORGET THE PAIN..not the incident. The pain that one inflicts upon your body can never be recalled in perfect detail no matter how hard you try but the pain that's inflicted verbally..as those words flash through your mind's eye,the impact is intense enough to make one cry..even after a very,very long time. I figure that many of us are like that..we bury the pain by immersing ourselves in work & family activities..while the pain is actually still there..deep in your heart,like a raw wound that dries but never completely heals. I have been very busy of late. Keeping myself occupied with the work,interacting with friends both in cyberspace & in reality,passionate about my music.Yet I have never been able to forget certain people & issues which happened over the past few months. Oh yeah..I don't talk about these things or ever show my confusion but truth is..each time I smile or laugh there is a slight tinge of bitterness. I feel it..but there's nothing I can do about it. I go out by myself alot these days. Just with my mp3 player & sling bag for my wallet,hp & camera. Sometimes I take long bus rides. When it's rainy weather,I take long walks. At times,I just sit by the sea for hours..thinking about nothing in particular. Just my own sort of meditation. Sometimes..I cry. Silently I cry...as the songs play in my ears..as my eyes follow the crashing waves. I don't feel like talking to anyone. It's like the sea understands the ache & turmoil I'm hiding within myself. I come home silently in the night & life goes on. Am I a happy person or a sad person? I don't know. I have no wish to talk about my feelings because I have realised a long time ago,that it's useless..the more I say they more they get bored(though they don't show it) It all just adds up to unnecessary tension & the wrong kinda attention so..I'm better off this way.Thinking and crying and just being myself as and when I feel like it. It's not too bad..the crying bit. Just don't want it to become permanent in my life.
Monday, August 25, 2008
[ 9:47 PM ]
wow..
finally got the time to pop in here..
been super busy..
honestly 24hrs in a day is really not enough!
so much has been happening
been wanting to blog like forever but somehow my fatigue just got the better of me
work is fine for now,still searching for THE elusive right job for my future though
at the same time,seriously considering going back to finish my diploma
not that I feel insecure,but no harm being better equipped
a dip is a very normal pre-requisite one finds in job offers these days..
even if the job itself is on a very basic level..
so why should I miss out..when I know I have so much more to offer than those who have papers but zero interest,zero experience?
still pondering though..don't wanna make the same mistake I did years ago as a teen
ohhh..by the way..
bought a new camera last week..FINALLY!
been wanting to yak about it for ages but well..that's how occupied I've been..
I don't even have a pic of it to put up now..
That particular day I had a nasty argument with one of my closest friends
I had planned several things for that particular day but thanks to this one trivial argument,i completely lost my mood to be happy.
Thank God Sanjit was free that day..if not for him,I'd prolly have spent the day moping around instead of shopping for my long desired camera..
Bullied him alot too that day hahahahaa..couldn't help it..the situations surrounding us were just too good to resist!
The normally gentlemanly Sanjit eventually gave me a nice sharp punch on my arm..light but SHARP..enough to make me squeal momentarily..
hmmm.
SQUEAAAAAL SANJIT.
SQUUUEAAAALLLL.
hope that rings a bell to you if you're reading this!
I really really really want to be happy but at the end of each day..
No matter how tired I am
There are things that I still can't forget
This pain is now numb but it's there
Like a bad pimple scar.
The tears do run even now and then..but I'm in control.
Well..
too tired to talk much about happy stuff in here now..
had a busy Monday..
I still miss the way things used to be..and I'm glad everyone..EVERYONE is happier now but for me..things will never be the same again..
Yes I will move on..but it's been months and I still haven't quite gotten there yet.
What I can't say I keep trapped in my heart.
I laugh and do the silliest things to keep the tears away..
Yet..
sometimes the smallest push is enough to open the water gates.
I don't even feel like talking about what I feel anymore..